February 28, 2014 at 9:45 pm #1278521
Joker joining the Army:
Officer: We need you in the army.
Joker: I’ll join but on three conditions.
Officer: Ok. what are the conditions?
Joker: My first condition is that I’ll not wear the uniform because it is hot.
Officer: Ok. What is the second condition?
Joker: I’ll not do the perade and other training under the sun because it is hot. I’ll only do it under the shed or some kind of shadow cover.
Officer: Ok. What is your third condition?
Joker: And my last and most important condition is that during war times, I’ll remain on leave.February 28, 2014 at 9:46 pm #1278522
A Professor was traveling by boat. On his way he asked the sailor:
“Do you know Biology, Ecology, Zoology, Geography, physiology?
The sailor said no to all his questions.
Professor: What the hell do you know on earth. You will die of illiteracy.
After a while the boat started sinking. The Sailor asked the Professor, do you know swiminology & escapology from sharkology?
The professor said no.
Sailor: “Well, sharkology & crocodilogy will eat your assology, headology & you will dieology because of your mouthology.February 28, 2014 at 9:46 pm #1278523
Why it sucks to be an egg:
1. You only get laid once
2. You only get eaten once
3. You share a box with 11 other guys
4. But worst of all the only chick that ever sat on you was your motherFebruary 28, 2014 at 9:47 pm #1278524
A Harley Biker is riding by the zoo in Washington, DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion’s cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.
Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event.
The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, “Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I’ve seen a man do in my whole life.”
The Harley rider replies, “Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right.”
The reporter says, “Well, I’ll make sure this won’t go unnoticed. I’m a journalist, you know, and tomorrow’s paper will have this story on the front page… So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?”
The biker replies, I’m a U.S. Marine and a Republican.
The journalist leaves.
The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page: “U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH”
….and THAT pretty much sums up the media’s approach to the news these days…February 28, 2014 at 9:47 pm #1278525
A drunk man fell in a well and people came to save him… but no one could enter the well to bring him out. Later, one man came up with an idea to throw the drunk man a rope to try to pull him out.
When the rope hit the drunk man’s head, he angrily shouted: “Pick your own well man, I am bathing.”February 28, 2014 at 9:48 pm #1278526
I give up!March 1, 2014 at 7:16 am #1278527
note to self.
1. turn off pc when drunk
2. don’t falls into Docs ignore threads again tut-tut
3. Don’t drink againMarch 1, 2014 at 12:28 pm #1278429Anonymous
Which one of those will you break first I wonder?March 1, 2014 at 12:37 pm #1278528
number 2 lolMarch 1, 2014 at 10:40 pm #1278430Anonymous
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