@p0ly 482215 wrote:

So just say you don’t wanna be with someone who you don’t think is good looking because you think you just wouldn’t be able to hack it with them, you wouldn’t even wanna have sex with them which would then affect them. would your superficiality be a good thing then?

S’good question. Depends really on whether you are looking for a bit of casual release/fun (which, thanks to birth control, is something females can do) or looking for a partner.

I think a big problem is that people get stuck on partners who make them unhappy – who just can’t make them happy. I see an awful lot of women, and some guys too, stuck in relationships because they’re too scared to let go and maybe find something better.

Mind you, there’s an awful lot of people who just can’t settle with ANY kind of partner. Typically male but again, not exclusively.

I guess it depends where you are in life. For me, partnerships are like temporary educational programmes – you learn, you have fun, and when it’s over, time to move on.

Hurts like fucking hell the first time you break up with someone. Easy to hurt someone. Easy to lash out in anger and regret later.

But, it’s not like you HAVE to be enemies with ex-partners. Doing that makes some people feel safer.

I think honesty is the ONLY policy. Sometimes can be painful, but real life is sometimes painful. “Anything that doesn’t kill you, just makes you stronger.”

It’s healthier than living a lie. That’s pain over and over. It carries on until you can break out of the lie.

True words by the way Pat

I dunno its a difficult area to be I have to have some sort of sexual attraction to sleep with some one, I may not exactly like them when I get to know them however – but I am just talking sex here- which was what happened when I was (much) younger,

however I have tended to have long term relationships since then, and one in particular I was v unhappy in but deluded myself by trying to rescue him and it took me a long time to realise how destructive it had been to me – my own making

but I think even if I really like some one as a person but didnt fancy them – there would be a bit of difficulty in the whole sex area

however I have had the whole ‘the more I like someone’ there more i fancy them too….

@p0ly 482517 wrote:

i see some people take this clinging on to people to the extreme, it’s quite scary and sad.

Yes I think its what Pat said

But sometimes its difficult and I think it is to do with self esteem – rather be with ‘someone’ rather than be alone, or work I have done on domestic violence – the inner self is so shattered it becomes ‘normal’ or just habit

I didnt realise how unhappy I was and deluded myself as he didnt hit me etc that this was ‘as good as it get’s’ and even when he went to hit me, and was nasty I made excuses for him due to his difficult childhood etc

I also think your parents relationship can also impact on this as my dad has been violent to my mum and us so it gives you a squed perspecive of things – I know all 3 of us have come out of our experiences with different opinions of what we will and wont put up with – and my current partners mum was so good when I spoke to her about it, she said ‘we all make misakes – but you need to learn from it – and dont make the same mistakes again’ as I was beating myself up about it – this helped me remember I am only human …..

@p0ly 482524 wrote:

that sucks, i take it that’s the same dude you had all those housing issues with? was very happy for you when you got out the change was great, happy tank for the win 🙂

yes the same one who stung me for £42,500K ….

I am much happier now, and it was only whe I split with him I realises what an utter mug I had been – but hey thats life and I wont let my self be fucked over again – as it was my choice to stay all that time….