FEEDBACK PLEASE - p0ly's First Poem - Diarrhea

This topic has 11 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated June 6, 2012 at 5:35 pm by Pat McDonald.

Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 12 total)

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June 5, 2012 at 11:26 pm #1053178
p0ly
Participant
Diarrhea by p0lygon:

It’s not funny
That it’s runny
It’s my tummy
I want my Mummy

It’s an issue
For a tissue
Just don’t miss fool
It’d jizz on your shoe

So drink some water
It should cure ya
She’ll adore you
Diarrheas sore yo!

Feedback appreciated good or bad. If it’s shit to you then I guess I succeeded in a way as it is a poem about… shit…
June 5, 2012 at 11:46 pm #1254198
thelog
Participant
Yeah man, you could serenade some hot girl with words like that.

Well done p0ly
XD
June 5, 2012 at 11:50 pm #1254203
p0ly
Participant
it took me about 30-40 minutes.
June 5, 2012 at 11:52 pm #1254199
thelog
Participant
haahaa, would have taken me 30 – 40 days to write that in my current state.
June 5, 2012 at 11:56 pm #1254204
p0ly
Participant
I don’t know if i should count myself lucky that i managed to complete this works so quick and quit while ahead or pursue this into more material.
June 6, 2012 at 12:13 am #1254200
thelog
Participant
Go for it. I expect to see volume 1 of p0lypoet ready by the morning.
June 6, 2012 at 2:10 am #1254207
know_hope
Participant
maybe it could be a success like scrotie mcboogerballs
June 6, 2012 at 11:44 am #1254202
DaftFader
Participant
It’s shit!

(see what I did there? :D)

Ahhh bollox I just read the bottom of your post … you beat me too it meh. 😥
June 6, 2012 at 3:24 pm #1254208
Pat McDonald
Participant
It seems to sum up the subject pretty well. 🙂

I’d have a go myself but I can’t think of many words that rhyme with “cerebroenergetics”.

Creativity comes in many forms. Usually more difficult than destruction or negativity. So well done. Because without a bit of creative output we can get blocked up ‘n frustrated, which isn’t good.
June 6, 2012 at 3:29 pm #1254205
p0ly
Participant
@Pat McDonald 482142 wrote:

It seems to sum up the subject pretty well. 🙂

I’d have a go myself but I can’t think of many words that rhyme with “cerebroenergetics”.

Creativity comes in many forms. Usually more difficult than destruction or negativity. So well done. Because without a bit of creative output we can get blocked up ‘n frustrated, which isn’t good.

Yeah man the most realistic part is the 4th line. i’m sure we all remember those moments when we had diarrhea and mummy is cradling you in her arms whipping those tears away and also the poo off my botty. thank you mum :laugh_at:

thanks for the feedback patty baby
June 6, 2012 at 5:20 pm #1254201
Tank Girl
Participant
its a bit wet
June 6, 2012 at 5:35 pm #1254206
p0ly
Participant
@Tank Girl 482173 wrote:

its a bit wet

flannel
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