- This topic has 14 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated September 24, 2012 at 3:55 am by The Psyentist.
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September 23, 2012 at 11:54 pm #1054005
Ok guys and girls, here is the thread you’ve all been waiting for. Its time to fess up and amuse others with tales of times you’ve accidently (or purposefully) shat yourself. As im thread starter guess im obliged to go first…
When I was 16 foolishly agreed to go with my parents to go get a new fridge whilst seriously hung over. The car journey did me no favours so I decided to wait in the car while they went in the store. I soon fell asleep until I was rudely awakened by some numb skull backing into our car. Due to my groggy state I failed to get their reg number and they drove off, the cheeky bastards. Bollocking ensues, I apologise profusely and then we all get on with our lives until…
2 weeks later with the car patched up I find myself in the same parking space while my parents go in the store again. As a joke/threat my mum says “get the registration plate of anyone who hits the car” (if you ask me parking in the same space and saying that was asking for trouble). Anyway my parents have only been gone 2 mins when without warning im very busting for a dump. There’s no way I can hold it but my paranoid mind tells me not to trust the old couple loading up their people carrier. Ok I think quickly into the bush behind my car then least amount of time as possible is spent away from the car. Mid-crap unfuckingbelievably I hear the unmistakable sound of an incompetent senile pensioner ploughing into my mums sports car at an unnecessarily high reverse speed. I stumble out the shrubbery, pants still round ankles, in time to see the car and license plate again driving out of sight and my parents approaching. After the one and only time my mum caught me wanking I thouht id experienced the most humiliating scenario imaginable, how wrong I was.September 24, 2012 at 12:17 am #1259018I messed myslef a few days ago, had another wee bout of the gastroenteritus and couldn’t make it to the loo. Thankfully I was at home and nobody was in so I just bowled about the house with no underwear on hahaha
September 24, 2012 at 12:21 am #1259024@NN~Gazatryptamine 496805 wrote:
I messed myslef a few days ago, had another wee bout of the gastroenteritus and couldn’t make it to the loo. Thankfully I was at home and nobody was in so I just bowled about the house with no underwear on hahaha
Lol. Makes perfect sense, iv got a leaky arse so I wont wear any pants.haha
September 24, 2012 at 12:27 am #1259019Lol a cork might do the trick!
September 24, 2012 at 12:34 am #1259025Ever had it simultaneously cascade out of both ends. I hit a real low point in my life when I once ate a pot noodle bombay bad boy, and then things got worse when 45minutes later I was evacuating into the toilet and my bidet at the same time. Lost half a stone in 24hours, the most violent food poisoning iv ever had
September 24, 2012 at 12:58 am #1259020@Elektrik Muffin 496808 wrote:
Ever had it simultaneously cascade out of both ends. I hit a real low point in my life when I once ate a pot noodle bombay bad boy, and then things got worse when 45minutes later I was evacuating into the toilet and my bidet at the same time. Lost half a stone in 24hours, the most violent food poisoning iv ever had
Mate, I had had food poisoning while on holiday in Egypt, I was hooked up to a drip for about 2-3 days unconscious and near got hospitalized out there, but thankfully the hotel doctor was on the ball and said as soon as he’s awake get out of here cause there’s a high probability I wouldn’t survive in an Egyptian hospital…..
All that from eating a turkey sandwich. I’ve still got the scars from the drip, the doctor used really rather large gauge needles, I guess because I was in such a bad way, it meant the fluids would have gotten in to my system quicker.But yeah, don’t go to Egypt, its a shit hole. The pyramids are a disgrace, there’s litter everywhere and there was a burnt out car hidden behind one of them. The Nile is quite possibly thee most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen. As a passionate angle it was like someone stole the sun from my life, the shire amount of waste and shit (human shit) floating around was mortifying….
September 24, 2012 at 1:08 am #1259026Thats bad times man. Sounds like you’d love india tho lol
September 24, 2012 at 1:13 am #1259021Ha yeaaah……..I do want to go there, goa especially. All that lovely Ketamine…..hmm…..ketamine……
September 24, 2012 at 1:22 am #1259027Lol. Plenty of valium over there too. Think you’d need to be high as fuck to block out all the poverty and misery. Never been but my gf spent 4months travelling through it so I have her word and of course karl pilkington educated us through his insightful idiot abroad:weee:
September 24, 2012 at 1:31 am #1259022I hate that Karl pilkington Gimp, he’s not funny and he’s a shit actor. The guy is a fuckin Cambridge university boy for petes sake, as far from idiot as it gets!
September 24, 2012 at 1:47 am #1259028I had no idea hed even made it to uni let alone cambridge. He is a totally closed-minded douche but thats why hes so entertaining on TV. Probably an annoying twonk to actually have to spend any time with though
September 24, 2012 at 1:56 am #1259023It’s all for the Tele, he’s a very smart bloke in reality.
September 24, 2012 at 2:02 am #1259029You’ve just destroyed my belief in mankind.:cry:
September 24, 2012 at 2:05 am #1259030Oh well now this thread has been utterly derailed and I seemingly admitted to doing a feral poo for no good reason we might as well carry on. You seem to listen to a lot of heavy metal, rock on! Do you listen to hardstyle at all?
September 24, 2012 at 3:55 am #1259031Oh he’s pissed off, back to poo stories then.
NEXT….
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