By grand declaration of Field marshal logue, I’m the resident cryptozoologist here, I specialize mainly in manbearpig, but can also work other cases for a levyed fee of cause.
Main areas of knowledge include:
*hunting/tracking manbearpig
*getting to within 3m of manbearpig
*hunting/tracking sneaky fuckin Russians for information on manbearpig’s whereabouts
*video logging the whole fuckin thing
*avoiding Kazakhstan (toll roads)
*setting traps for manbearpig and/or anything edible that moves
*hunting/tracking Margaret Thatcher
*pest control (see Margaret Thatcher/any Tory)
*vehicle repair

So if you have a question or are in need of my services, don’t hesitate to call, I’m on call 24/7*

*Sat-sun closed – fri 3:15pm close.

Fees are required to be paid in cash, unmarked notes, up front. NO REFUNDS. this does not affect your statutory rights.