maybe you should try and get some help?
Oddly enough that has been suggested to me before.
I have been “getting help” for the past 4 years of my life. I’v said before but the perfect example of the kind of help you get on the NHS is this. Took as massive overdose for paracetial and drank a bottle of vodka (having taken about 4 large overdoses already that year (several more throughout my life, self harmed since i was 12)), sufferd liver damager, turned yellow, was told I was likely not to make it. Pulled through with the antidote stuff for paracetimal, got to see the mental health team. Was told I wasnt a suercide risk and was sent home.
I only say because I think it illistrates the point well and I am sick of hiding mental health stuff just because socicity has issues with it.