@DaftFader 343760 wrote:
i am definatly alot more depressed now days then i was back then .. alltho alot of things have happened i can pin it down to way way overdoing it back then as my best mate who did about the same as me suffers the same problems … there are many factors to it tbf .. but i am sure that for me .. i did too many pills (some where very very strong others were not .. but i did loads either way) and even tho if i leave it for ages not taking them .. i’ll start to feel a bit better … it goes back to depression when i cain mdma again
although I wouldn’t class it as depression, 1990s strength pills gave me such mood/emotional swings I would not take them again (certainly not in any quantity) if they were still available and even legal. the same with dexamfetamine, which I used a lot in the early 2000s. I now find that the negative effects the mood swings have on my work and interaction with people are unacceptable for someone of my age (compared to a teenager or youth still going through emotional development).
This might be more to do with the fact I am older and have finally sorted out a lot of my life.
I have however knocked on the head a lot of hopes/dreams/aspirations/ambitions I had in my youth (such as working in the creative industries/media etc) – and accepted the fact that I am probably going to end up as in a IT management position in an office and stay in East Anglia until my middle years or even old age – some people may understandably class this as a defeatist/depressed attitude as I’m no longer “chasing my dreams” but I’ve found that facing up to these facts has made me a far happier man than even my heaviest drug using days!
Curiously, crystal MDMA did not have such a bad effect on me as pills but there was still a noticeable comedown/tiredness and the most recent stuff was just filthy. With mephedrone, other than more elevated body temperature (although no worse than ketamine?) I have not had any negative emotional effects, other than those which tiredness may cause on occasion.