Bullying

[monkey monkey]

Hello.

I read this today:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/4614515.stm

And I'm a bit confused about the state of things.

In case you can't be bothered to read it (it's not particularly exciting), it says that 1 in 5 children between the ages of 11 & 19 are being bullied by mobile phones.

Now, I do not and will not condone bullying of any form, but I have never heard of anyone being bullied by phone ever before. Admittedly I'm not actually at school, so I am unaware of many things that (mass media) surveys tell me is happening in the playground - like the vast amounts of crack-cocaine being sold between the kids, the gangs of peadophiles hanging around the school gates ready to kidnap children, not to mention the force feeding of greasy chips by the Government (nothing to do with the parents not making sandwhiches, of course), but I digress.

Now, although I don't doubt that children's behaviour and activities have changed over the years, I can't believe that 20% of children are victims not just of bullying, but of a specific type of bullying.

I'm beginning to believe that the adults who compile reports are actually unaware of what real bullying is.

When I was at school, I was one of only about 6 non-white people in the entire school (in case you're wondering, I'm a Porto/Anglo Indian/Italian chap). I got bullied pretty much as soon as I stepped through the gates. At the time, it was absolutely terrible, but looking back, I realise that I didn't have it half as bad as some other people. I know what being bullied is like, what it feels like and also how powerless any teachers or parents are to stop it.

What I also know, however, is that when someone comes up to me and says "cut your hair and have a bath you stinking fucking hippy", which happens from time to time, that is NOT bullying. If they came back time after time, targetting me as I walked home from work, waiting round the corner for me, THAT would be bullying.

A text message calling someone fat is not bullying. It's mean, it's really mean and not fair. It shouldn't be done, but IT IS NOT BULLYING.

Sometimes peoples' memories of things will be slightly clouded, especially children. When they were passed the piece of paper with the qestion "have you ever been bullied?" the majority would probably answer "yes", but this doesn't mean that their life was made a constant hell all the way through their school life. I was bullied, but I can still look at my school days as relatively happy - but like I say, some had it much worse than me.

The thing that gets me most about the 'nanny' culture that's coming out is that those children who are seriously bullied, who are victims of a sadistic louts most days they are at school, are still going unheard when the kids who have merely been teased are shouting to get their voices heard and drowning out the cries of help from people who actually need it.

It's the ones who can't ask for help who need it the most.




peace

[BioTech]

The thing that gets me most about the 'nanny' culture that's coming out is that those children who are seriously bullied, who are victims of a sadistic louts most days they are at school, are still going unheard when the kids who have merely been teased are shouting to get their voices heard and drowning out the cries of help from people who actually need it.

It's the ones who can't ask for help who need it the most.


That makes sense and it's something I haven't thought about before. I reckon you are right in saying that a high percentage of people who say they have been bullied have only suffered minor taunts. Although that's not pleasent it's nothing compared to what serious bullying is like I should imagine.

As for phone bullying, I can understand how it would work. If kids are bullied at school and then can't get away from it outside of school due to constant text messages with death threats etc then I can imagine it an be quiet a harsh thing. I remember how vicious kids can be and no doubt the shit some kids get via text can be pretty fucked up.

[General Lighting]

incidentally I also went through the situation of being one of the only ethnic minority kids in school - in the days when a non-white face was actually uncommon on some schools and an obvious target - it was far worse in the "better" schools like prep schools as well (yes I did attend one for a short stage in my life - fucking hated it, it was more like being in YOI than education)

I think the article was rather lazy journalism, it is not just mobile phones being used but a wider form of high tech bullying - which has elements of criminal harrasment. It didn't happen 5 or 10 years ago as kids didn't have access to the tools to carry it out!

Apart from happy slapping etc what is happening is that unpopular kids are being photographed without their consent and then unflattering pics of them being sent via mobile comms and/or posted on websites/message boards with abusive comments (often by kids misusing their schools IT facilities) - and the unpopular kid being spammed by all electronic means with the messages.

In school what used to happen is that the bullies had to be relatively near - in many cases the kid would only take so much and eventually punch one of the bullies (or the kid would form their own gang and there would be an obvious fight which would then get broken up by teachers/dinner ladies etc)

also in my day computers were more complicated. Bullies were usually thick, and did not know how to work them.

but now the bullies can hide behind keyboards and its a lot more indsiduous....

[monkey monkey]

Morning.

When I got home after work last night, I saw a couple of things on TV about this - the only thing I'd seen before was the BBC news article.

I think I may have underestimated slightly the effects that this can have; some of the threats that have been sent I can imagine are really quite frightening for the ones that receive them.

Maybe I'm being too judgemental about the whole thing - though my argument was about what "real bullying" is like, it all seems to stem from an "in my day" attitude, which is where a lot of the blindness seems to come from - I apologise for that.

It's true what you say, Mr Lighting, about bullies behind keyboards being more insiduous (I had to look that word up in the dictionary to make sure I understood!), it's as though the electric network has give them more corners to hide in.

I think what it comes down to most of all, is that I don't understand kids anymore. I say anymore, the only time that I think I ever did was when I was one, and for a near 30 yr old (29 forever...) that's a long time back.

I don't believe that I'm particularly niaive about things that go on in the real world, I am just still getting to grips with the fact that there are some out there whose only purpose is to make other, smaller, people's lives that little bit more difficult. But then, bullying doesn't just happen in schools, but everywhere.

and it's not just kids that do it...

[ParrotBoy]

The problem with bullying for kids is that they can't ask for help. When you get older, if somebody starts harrasing you, you can report them to the OB and at least something will be done, even if its just a talking to it can be enough to scare people off. (Anyone who isn't will be more worrying than a bully I would imagine - it will be sombody with a personal grievance) However, as a child you don't have that option.

I was bullied at school, in the true sense of the word - there was rarely a time when I didn't have a few bruises. I've been beaten, outcast, verbally asaulted and in one case staple-gunned in the head. (Don't worry, I'm over it now and quite happy) But nothing was ever done about any of it. I only reported things to teachers twice and both times it made things worse for me. In a school you can't be seen as a snitch, it only creates more enemies.

This is one of the reasons that people can't seem to connect to those bullied - I find it hard now to imagine taking all that crap, and why I didn't do more about it, but in a school environment things are different. I don't see how this can change really, as the main problem is not punishing the offenders, but getting kids of 11-14 as a group to become more considerate to each other.

How this fits into bullying by mobile? I think this is a huge problem, because not only can kids now hurt/abuse/humiliate a peer, they can save it to show the entire school. Being beaten by a group of 4 kids is one thing, having a video clip of the act being played back to hundreds of students is another entirely.

How can we put a stop to this? I don't know, and if we can't figure it out as a group of (hopefully) intellectual adults, what chance to kids have?

[monkey monkey]

Glad you've come through it Parrot Boy.

I think your last sentence says a lot -

How can we put a stop to this? I don't know, and if we can't figure it out as a group of (hopefully) intellectual adults, what chance to kids have?

I would imagine that generally the bullies are not hugely intellectual, so they can't be taught their mistakes through intellectual means. And telling teachers, much less than a fruitless excercise, actually makes things worse.

So what is there that can really be done?

Should it be 'eye for an eye' or should you just turn the other cheek?

Though these are the two extremes that can be done, I'm trying to think of the middle way, and don't know what it would be. There's been blame on the Government also, but I don't really understand what they can do.

I've spoken to some of my friends about this last night, and a couple of them said that they too were bullied at school, and all they could really do was just get on with their life and hope that it stopped.

Far from my the first post I wrote claiming that this is a 'nanny' culture, this seems to have completely reversed (at least I'm learning too!). I don't think adults will EVER have the power to stop bullies, unless their parents can learn how to raise their children with better moral values.

Either that or the bullies should be strung up...

[ParrotBoy]

Kids have bullied each other ever since we were monkeys "play fighting" - theres always a few runts that just get smashed.

I came out of my experiences quite well, I feel I'm a better person for it. But it worrys me that bullying is getting more and more scary. I never once felt like my life was in danger. Sure I didn't want to go to school, but it was't because I didn't think I'd be coming back.....

I don't think we can solve the problem of bullying in principle, kids will always be bullied (until the US perfects their brain-contol machine), but how can we stop things going too far?

[General Lighting]

Kids have bullied each other ever since we were monkeys "play fighting" - theres always a few runts that just get smashed.

I came out of my experiences quite well, I feel I'm a better person for it. But it worrys me that bullying is getting more and more scary. I never once felt like my life was in danger. Sure I didn't want to go to school, but it was't because I didn't think I'd be coming back.....

I don't think we can solve the problem of bullying in principle, kids will always be bullied (until the US perfects their brain-contol machine), but how can we stop things going too far?

because I wasn't a big chap and being from an ethnic minority was an obvious target, I tended to pick the strategy of forgetting the queensbury rules (as most enemies were bigger than me) - and clobbering them with the nearest available large object or improvised weapons.

This did drive them away - but got me in all sorts of trouble; by the time I started secondary school I had a disruptive/violent marker on my school file - as I did not look like an obvious thug I still remember the look of surprise on the headteacher face when I went for my initial school interview...

looking back on it though, I was lucky not to end up in a secure unit - just for self-defence...

Also I think the 70s generation was actually the last to get a real childhood! Kids are encouraged to act like teenagers at age 9-11 (it was starting in the 80s) but they are now starting puberty earlier as well, so with lads they are getting the rush of testosterone which encourages a lot teenage aggression.

And TBH things are not being helped by unsupervised playing of violent computer games, and watching TV where many programmes from soaps to reality shows give the impression that confrontation and violence are an acceptable form of behaviour.

there's also a weapons culture and a lack of respect for life - yes I used weapons when faced with a physically larger offender but only blunt items and for self-defence; however a lot of young lads are routinely carrying knives and are even prepared not only to use them, but show a level of anatomical knowledge of which parts of the body to strike to maim or kill.

the recent stepping up of laws against underage sex wasn't actually because there was hordes of evil nonces at school gates or lurking in internet chatrooms; according to reports from the kids support NGOs in the Guardian its actually because boys of age 10-15 are often committing serious sexual assaults on girls of the same age - its gone beyond kiss chase and flirting to group rape in some areas...

it does seem though a lot of it happens because kids are denied childhoods by the "free market" ethos which sees them as junior consumers; they are finding themselves with greater physical strength and being exposed to "adult" concepts (sex, drugs, the need to "conform") without the emotional maturity to deal with these concepts (hell, some of the people I know in their teens and twenties still are having problems dealing with their emotions!). There is also now far more tension and competition in their lives from an early age (exams, pressure to get girlfriends/boyfriends, to do well at sports/music etc)

in this climate, sadly, bullying and aggressive behaviour (amongst all age groups) will thrive.

[USE]

i've always been fairly confident, and just before i started secondary i had a growth spurt and shot to nearly six feet tall at the age of 12. this meant that when i started in a school of 1,500 from a small town school, i was singled out as someone to beat if you wanted to prove yourself.

because of my height, i won a lot of fights that i didnt start but i fought through lack of control and anger when i was started on. this made me a lot of hard enemies, and as school wore on, they caught up and felt they still had to beat me to feel good about them selves.

because of my earlier bouts, i was not scared of a fight, and was one of the only members of my crew that were willing to stand up for themselves. [this was back in the early-mid nineties, when the two main groups in my school were the kevs (or chavs) and the indiekids (or greasers as the kevs called us). i was well into my psycedelic rock and indiekids]. i still got the shit beaten out of me a fuck-load of times. all i can say is that it has made me unafraid of pain or fights, and made my resolve to be free more potent.

on one memeorable occasion about fifteen kevs rounded the corner near the hut we used to hang around, like a pack of geese or dinosaurs, and descended on me, beating me to the ground and kicking me about. the thing about all this, was tha it meant something, it was me standing up to the kevs and getting beats for it.

what i think is much worse is the bullying of the already weak in these schidey ways. prank phone calls, rumour spreading, posting stuff on the net, behind the back, cowardly sly shit. thats what gets in peoples head. the worst thing that ever happened to me wasnt physical, it was wondering wether the kevs would be out in force to night, and in what pubs. it was having to worry about stupid wankers who you shouldn't have t think about.

unfortunately, this kind of bullying is by its very nature the hardest to track, unless the victim seeks help, because they beleive there is some that can be found. a freind of my brothers who was getting prank calls ended up ringing the school pretending to be his own father to get something done. he was found out, but he got help.

[General Lighting]

there seemed to be a lot more fighting in USEs area... here in Reading (maybe because it was a relatively affluent area?) there was actually very little fighting between kevs and indie kids!

TBH I was probably seen as a "kev/casual" by the goths/indie kids and they were a bit wary of Asians at first as they were often seen as either "swots who end with arranged marriages and kids by age 17" or "dodgy druggie types" - but eventually I was accepted [as I somehow defied all social sterotyping] - furthermore there was very little trouble in my old secondary school, and by the late 80s/early 90s we didn't even fight the other school across the county border any more!

I do think however that cannabis and the start of the rave scene had a great deal to do with this! TBH many peopel were too stoned to fight and for a few years at least it was quite loved up....and amazingly, dealing networks actually built friendships across the social barriers.

I am not suggesting drug use and dealing as a solution for schoolyard problems though - as eventually the paranoia / psychosis / run ins with the cirminal justice system did for a lot of people shortly after leaving school - many found themselves caught up in addiction and crime, having fucked up their academic progress due to being caned throughout 6th form/GCSEs...

what i think is much worse is the bullying of the already weak in these schidey ways. prank phone calls, rumour spreading, posting stuff on the net, behind the back, cowardly sly shit. thats what gets in peoples head. the worst thing that ever happened to me wasnt physical, it was wondering wether the kevs would be out in force to night, and in what pubs. it was having to worry about stupid wankers who you shouldn't have t think about.

unfortunately, this kind of bullying is by its very nature the hardest to track, unless the victim seeks help, because they beleive there is some that can be found. a freind of my brothers who was getting prank calls ended up ringing the school pretending to be his own father to get something done. he was found out, but he got help.

and this is where mobiles have made things worse. In the old days someone who prank called a home would eventually end up with the phone being answered by their enemies parents; who would be more likely to get BT and the cops involved......... with mobiles the kids themselves are hardly going to show their olds details of every text and call they get....

[monkey monkey]

I think we may have had relatively similar childhoods, GL (although, admittedly, everything's relative) but when I was at school, I spent a lot of the time being called a 'nigger'. I turned round to them once and told them that I was actually from an Indian bloodline, when they started calling me 'Paki' instead. I think this shows the intelligence of the wider bullying generation.

In the end, I just ended up staying away from the people that were teasing me (note - teasing NOT bullying), as that seemed to be the only way that I could get through school and not get myself into trouble - At junior school, I was told that I had a 'temper problem', and admittedly, I did sometimes lose my rag when I was surrounded by people taunting me (that WAS bullying) but I couldn't explain it to anyone - when my mum asked me what happened, what was I meant to say? "You were born outside of England, Mum, thats why I get into fights." But like I say, when I learnt to just stay away from them, it calmed down.

When I left school, it all seemed to clear up a bit, but around my neighbourhood, there were a lot of the kids who used to pick on me, and whenever they walked past, there'd be some kind of snide comment.

But strangely, it all changed. Now, to quote Mr Lighting:

I am not suggesting drug use and dealing as a solution for schoolyard problems though

But when they realised that some little coloured, dreadlocked kid could get them what they wanted, they stopped their racist slurs, and wanted to be my friend. It is strange how tables turn when people get older.

Should I have turned my head, stood on some moral high ground and told them about the years of shite they'd put me through, or sould I have just thought 'fuck it' and let it lie?

With phones and computers and stuff, though, there's no way of completely knowing who it is that is doing the victimisation - there's not a face in front of you anymore. How can kids make peace with bullies when they don't even show their faces?

I think if I was a child at school these days, I'd have a terrible time.

At least we've still got techno...

[USE]

i doubt that my area was rougher than most - i went to school in dorking in the surrey heartlands, which is affluent as and my school was top of the shitty league tables. there is very little ethnic diversity in that area, however, which meant that while there was racism, it wasn't very pronounced (if that makes sense, i think it has to do with ignorant whites not feeling threatened). also, as it was an affluent area, there was very little robbery type incidents. it was mostly "you called sharon a slag" or the type. i remember bein started on for wearing a socialist star on my coat, which was quite intelligent of the bullys to recognise, if you ask me.

in a way, i find robbery incidents easier to deal with than straight aggression based incidents, as you know if you give the mugger something worth money thay'll go away. if they just want a fight, or a spectacle, or to humiliate someone, then its much more difficult to get out of.

as ive said before, ive been mugged 8 times, and i have no problem givin up my phone/ money etc to someone demanding it, i have no clue why someone would risk their health for a material posession.

[General Lighting]

last weekend I went to a student house party - was speaking to a young lady who comes from the southside of the city (often labelled as "chav central" and the butt of many of ricky gervais's jokes - indeed her family actually know ricky gervais, some of her older relatives were at school with him!)

anyway this girl is good looking, talented and intelligent, but went to a school with a "reputation" for being rough.... still she did really well... her teachers all thought she would be able to go to 6th form and uni and then drama school

but in her final years of secondary school [high school] all her (female) friends from primary school just turned on her and started bullying her. I guess it was jealousy and I've been told by other girls that girls are way worse than blokes in this respect - the saddest thing is that they intimidated her to such an extent that she did not attend school for much of her final years and didn't get the grades needed - so the bullies managed to hold her back (and she is a girl who didn't cave in and stuck up for herself as well!)

I did wonder why she didn't now go to college and get whatever qualifications she needs (she could still get a grant) , but she said she also realised that if she did study to become an actress there would be even more jealousy and bullying as she competed with so many others for a career, and she also has seen how "celebs" have their lives torn apart by the tabloids which put her off her dreams...

not surprised that the situation is so fucked up. it seems like this culture of bullying is entrenched in society....

[globalloon]

it seems like this culture of bullying is entrenched in society....

to quote David Mitchell

"a purely predatory world shall consume itself. Yes, the devil shall take the hindmost until the foremost is the hindmost....

... Is this entropy written within our nature?

If we believe that humanity can transcend tooth and claw ... [cont] ... if we believe leaders must be just, violence muzled, power accountable and the riches of the eath and its oceansshared equitably, such a world will come to pass. I am not decieved. It is the hardest of worlds to make real."

peace, unity and courage my friends

[General Lighting]

to quote David Mitchell

"a purely predatory world shall consume itself. Yes, the devil shall take the hindmost until the foremost is the hindmost....

... Is this entropy written within our nature?

If we believe that humanity can transcend tooth and claw ... [cont] ... if we believe leaders must be just, violence muzled, power accountable and the riches of the eath and its oceansshared equitably, such a world will come to pass. I am not decieved. It is the hardest of worlds to make real."

peace, unity and courage my friends

we need to get the kids/teens/youths to believe that as well..

its strange though, I can read or watch loads of stuff about the war and crime reports off the net like all the gangland shootings in London etc and it doesn't really emotionally affect me if the people involved are in their 20s,

I also feel that the war was inevitable because there are too many people in positions of power all across the world and lots of angry young men (to join armies etc) who wanted a fight....

the same thing goes for the amount of mindless violence in society - most of the people who do this have reached an age they have already made a choice to live their lives by violence and for some only death or prison will stop them being a threat to society...

males in particular have been programmed to compete and fight; some of the more enlightened of us can channel that energy in more positive forms whilst still "proving ourselves" - but there will always be some that go too far...

but when I hear about younger or vulnerable people being bullied or cruelty to animals that really does affect me........

I think though that violent behaviour must be challenged at a very early age (perhaps in primary school) - not putting kids in secure units (unless they have done something extreme like GBH or murder) but positve education - and we need more positive role models for young people...

[SilverFox]

Bullying bleeds you of your self-confidence and dignity and basically boils down to abuse. Of course you will get people who say that it is only a bit of teasing and you shouldn't let it bother you, but if they were in your shoes I bet they'd think differently. Teasing is all fine and dandy if you don't feel intimidated by the person directing it at you, therefore you can tease them back, or simply tell them to shut the fuck in no uncertain terms, knowing they would. When it gets to the point where you're too scared to say or do anything back to them, when the presence of that person determines whether you have a good day or a bad day, when you wish that person would get hit by a bus and die instantly, then you know you are being bullied.

The main piece of advice I would give is that you have to do something. Doing nothing, and simply hoping your bully will eventually see the error of his/her ways will not work. The situation will get worse, and your bully will take greater liberties as they begin to realize they can push you further and further and you wont do a damn thing back to them. So okay, several ideas I wish someone had once told me:


Prevention is better then cure. Try and knock it on the head as soon as you see a potential bullying situation develop. This may be on the very first day of school, or the very first day of a new job. A potential bully may poke fun at you, or make some other sort of comment, which you find intimidating simply to test you. If you don't challenge them they know you're an easy target and it can all go downhill from there. You may think they're even quite funny at first, most bullies are clever, witty, cunning people, but this can quickly turn against you, be vidulent. It's probably best not to do this in front of other people. Take them to one side, look them straight in the eye and without sugar coating it, let them know in no uncertain terms that you ain't taking no shit from them! Make sure you seem confident of yourself, you could practice this beforehand in a mirror, just to make sure you get the look on your face perfect. This will work with most people who don't realize that their actions are pissing you off. Let's face it, if you took the piss out of someone and an hour later they collared you and laid down the law, you probably wouldn't be angry, you'd feel like a prat for making them feel that way in the first place. No decent person wants to be known as a bully.

Tell someone. If you feel you can't approach the bully yourself you have to tell someone. This may be a teacher, a parent, a friend or your boss. As a kid I can remember being terribly embarrassed by being bullied, it's something that happens to weak nerdy kids isn't it. Forget that shit man anything's better then getting bullied. When you tell someone you don't even have to use the word "bullied", and you don't have to seem desperate and can still maintain your dignity. Just say this person is causing you problems, or they have something against you and you don't know why, and you want to sort it out once and for all ASAP. If your boss or teacher says to leave it with them, say NO! I want this shit sorted out now man! Or ask how they are going to sort it out. Convey how important it is to you, as I said above, many people don't see bullying as a big problem. If their actions are not to your satisfaction in sorting it out go above their head to someone that will. If you are being bullied at work it's law that your company have to provide a pleasant safe atmosphere. Remember, you are not the person in the wrong, the bully is, so why feel bad about trying to stop it?

To retaliate or not. This ones a toughie. Personally I never did, not because I had morals coming out of my ears about how I was lowering myself to the bullies standard, but simply because I didn't have the guts. I didn't know how to throw a good punch. I'd never hit anyone in my entire life, and when I felt like I was about to explode and smash the guy in the face I felt I had no strength in my arms, and if I did hit him, I'd feel great for 2 seconds, then realize my punch had no effect and have to face up to the fact I was in for a beating.
This is the problem. If you decide you're going to throw a punch, you don't know if it's going to have the desired effect i.e. The bully will be stunned into submission, never to cross your path again, or whether it could all backfire. You could get a beating, you could get expelled or fired, you might think you're safe for a while, but then be constantly looking over your shoulder for a reprisal attack or the people around you could look down on you for taking things to such an extreme and isolate yourself even more. Despite all the possible negatives I still wished I had smacked my bully in the face. I think it would have worked, but who knows. At least today I could think to myself, yeah man, I gave him a broken nose for his troubles. But it's up to you really, you have to decide what approach is going to work best in your situation.

If you are being bullied physically you could.......


Make a complaint to the police. This may seem extreme but you are essentially being physically assaulted. The bottom line is that this is against the Law and it is the duty of the police and the criminal courts to prevent this. Who the fuck gave anybody the right to punch or kick you! Just because they are a kid, it gives them no right to go around beating people up. Your parents taxes pay police wages, so use them, that's what they're there for, if you don't go and make a complaint right now they'll be sitting at their desks playing minesweeper on Expert level all day, they need your complaint man! I'm being serious, you were not put on this Earth to be somebody else's punch bag. As a kid, you accept situations without question, I did, you gotta start saying to yourself that you're not going to put up with it anymore. Man I wish someone had given me a pep talk when I was kid.

Gang up With a load of your friends or other kids who are having the same problem as you. Jump your bully when he's on his own. Beat them to a bloody pulp with baseball bats, leaving them in a permanent vegetative state, with drool hanging from their chin, while they sit in their motorized wheelchair being spoon fed by mummy. Okay I can see I'm getting ever more extreme here, don't do this actually, you'll probably end up with some good jail time being somebody's anal virgin bitch.

Increase your self-confidence. This may reduce your susceptibility to bullying, and make you feel better about yourself all round. Note: Being low on self-confidence is no excuse for a person to bully you, I'm just saying okay. Well, speaking as a guy, I always wished I'd taken up a martial art as a kid, so by the time I got into the potential bullying time in my life, I knew how to handle my body, and knew what it was like trying to shift someone else's body weight around, and how to throw an effective punch, and shit like that basically. If someone knows you can handle yourself they are much less likely to give you any shit. I started trying to build my muscles up when I was 13, and I am quite strong now, but I still need to take up a martial art because I still don't know how to use my body effectively. I'm almost 22 btw, but as I said, you can get bullied at any point in your life, if you are a quiet introverted person like myself.

Refuse to go to where you and your bully come into contact. If the worst comes to the worst, and nothing seems to be helping the situation, simply refuse to go into school or into work until it's sorted. If again it isn't sorted, change schools, study at home, or change jobs. This is of course the last option to consider, but hey, you don't want to live a life of daily misery do you. If going somewhere makes you unhappy, don't go there anymore, makes sense doesn't it.


A bit long yes but I do feel strongly about this subject as I was bullied alot when I was younger

[ParrotBoy]

Well said!

[skattyasfuk]

Hi,
Working to live is my moto and normally when im not there I have a life but recently its all I can bloody think about. I am the assistant manger of a shop (yes I know fantastic job,but I am only 19)

My boss...

. Talks abot me on a personal level to other members of staff

. Tells other members of staff confidential things about me

. I have been late once, my timekeeping and attendance is of high standard but yet im late once and she ignores me for a week.

. I have absolutely no support from her what so ever

. Another manager (that she is friends with) shouted at me so I complained and she said it was basically childish of me to say anything. Correct me if im wron but i am a human being and do not ever deserve to be spoken to like a peace of dirt.

. She speaks down to me in fromt of custumers and members of staff

. She has once made me cry because she shouted at me for no apperent reason.

. And I was always led to believe that deligating is an efficeint way of getting something done if you are already busy. Not deligating when you are standing around not doing anything yourself?

I feel like I am being victimised harassed and bullied by this person. What do you think do I complain? would they just think it was childish banter? im really getting down about this because I dont no whether people will actually listen to me or not. Does it sound childish to you? had anyone else experienced anything like this? would be great to hear.

Thank you

. Anthing that I do is critisized

[titch]

I don t really wanna go into it but where I used to work was full of that. There was a bully too, but I just left and looking for another job. Don t stand for shit mate its not worth it.

[monkey monkey]

Hello Skatty.

From what you say, your boss is completely in the wrong. It seems as though she's so used to being the boss of the shop that she believes it's her domain and that she can treat her staff however she wants.

If you wanted, you probably could take it further, reporting her to a regional manager or something. The thing is though, if you did this, would it make it more uncomfortable to work where you do? I'm not saying 'grin & bear it' by any means - everyone deserves to be able to live a comfortable life. I guess reporting her to a superior might be the only way she'll realise that she's wrong.

Getting another job is another option but, regardless of your boss, it seems like you've done pretty well to get where you are already.

It doesn't sound childish, how you're being, she sounds as though she should grow up, though.

I can imagine how disheartening it must be, waking up every day having to face someone like that & although I can't give any real advice, you've got my support.

I hope it all works out for you.

[Holeydel]

Okay first off don't quit your job yet but use this to get life experience. If you quit who's to say it won't happen again at your next job and what do you do then, quit again?

I was like you until I read 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' and it was the best book I ever read (yeah, even better then the Caterpiilar book). It has taught me how people work and the correct way to confront problems.

Remember also your boss has a boss too. When my boss fannied about with my pay rise I gave her two chances to produce. When she didn't I wrote a letter to her boss and one week later my pay had increased.

And you're right, regardless of position, salary and qualifications we have the right to be treated with respect.

Good luck!

[skattyasfuk]

I really want to leave believe me I meen why the fuk would I want to give up my weekends for just to suffer this bull shit anyway!! But this is what she wants, if I leave she will have won. That will be the highlight of her sad pathetic life! I have witnesses to this aswell 3 people in fact. I meen Bullying,harassement and breech of confidentiality is grosss misconnduct! But I am human and although she is a complete nob head would I not be just as bad as her if I got her sacked?

[monkey monkey]

would I not be just as bad as her if I got her sacked?

No.

You're not doing anything wrong. Also, it's not you who would be doing the sacking, it would be her boss. All you actually need to do is to tell someone the truth - there is nothing wrong with that. I guess you might feel like you're 'grassing' on someone, but that's not true. You've got witnesses as well, which is pretty tight.

When you tell her boss, right it in a letter and read it through a couple of times before you send it. Keep a copy for yourself, as well. Get your workmates to write letters too and keep them all together. Things like this are better when its written down, so that the facts can be checked. You don't have to tell her you're making a complaint against her - you can leave that up to her boss.

There are laws against bullying in the workplace. If she stole from you, I'm sure you'd have no problem in getting her sacked.

[PaulM]

There are laws against bullying in the workplace. If she stole from you, I'm sure you'd have no problem in getting her sacked.


WELL SAID!

SACK THE BITCH! WORK IS NO FUN WHEN U HAVE A BOSS LIKE THAT.

Stay Strong! If U want one of us to write a letter to your head office, saying that I over heard how she was talking to u when I was shopping in your shop.

Just let me know.

[skattyasfuk]

hmmmmmm maybe ill be in touch! ahhhh how nice thank you :weee:

[General Lighting]

sorry to hear about this...

its unfortunately quite a common situation in the workplace, particularly when the manager feels threatened by younger and more capable staff.

Check your organisations "grievance procedure", and then as PaulM says write to the higher management. include statements from witnesses and factual details of the incidents.

Check also what happens to your stores CCTV tapes; they may show the two of you together and it is possible to work out from body language whether a confrontation is developing..

If you are a member of a trade union (or can join one without getting in more shit which sadly isn't the case these days for many people) get their representatives involved as well.

There is way too much of this bullshit going on in business today (it gets worse at top management level, or with some smaller organisations where the business owner is the bullying managers, and it is quite frankly fucking up Britain big time. Ever wondered why our companies like Rover, Marconi end up in such a mess, going bust etc? much of this is due to dysfunctional management keeping themselves in power at the expense of their staff..

You are totally in the right here - you are carrying out a legitimate activity which benefits society and have the full force or the law behind you.

Best of luck.....

[missMushed]

the new manager came into a really good working team, we didnt have a manager for a couple of months and had gotten use to doing everything off our own initiative. He came in and was good for a few weeks till he got to know us. Then it akll started, he became very insulting towards a gay member of staff, always demeaning him fdor being gay and giving him all the shit jobs, and then would come on to the girls. In the end i decided to leave and gave my reasons which included the harrasment we received for the new manager. All the other memebers of staff followed suit and he got the sack.

Saw him a couple of months ago all fat and ugly working in a call center! Hardly management now! hee hee!

Good luck!

[skattyasfuk]

I wish I could check the cctv tapes but unless I think she is stealing or there is a sign up I am not aloud to. That is another thing which SHE has been doing(to see if im doing my job properly) so I downloaded the data protection act and its against the law.

[sambo303]

Do as Gen Lighting says - check out your company's grievence procedure. I used this a couple of months ago at my work where I was being bullied - ignored, denigrated in front of colleagues etc by my ex-boss ( I have been promoted to her level & she hates it).

My co was really supportive. Have you got an HR dept? They will help you. Or join the union and take action!!!

I am glad my ex-boss was such a bitch - I have learnt a lot from the experience and I am a stronger, better person & manager now. See this as a learning experience & TRY HARD NOT TO LET HER GET TO YOU.

Rise above it cos u are a better person than she can be - I now laugh at my sad pathetic ex boss who is so insecure she thinks it's ok to behave like a 2 year old. Ha ha ha.

Wherever you work I'm afraid you will probably encounter someone of this ilk - you might as well use the situation to your advantage and learn from the experience. Keep in mind why you go to work - to get money to enjoy life, and pity those who only have work in their lives!!!

Good luck!

[slider]

I agree with the other folks. Don't stand for it. Your company may well have a confidential contact line so use it if you can. Otherwise talk to a union rep if you have one.

The link below will help

http://www.acas.org.uk/publications/al05.html

Don't run from the situation - it might be hard not to but some other poor sod will become the next target.

If you need help contact me.

Slider

[skattyasfuk]

Thats really helpful Thank you :weee:

[skattyasfuk]

Hi,
I would just like to say thanx for everyones advice, as always telling somebody helps!! I actually told my area manager today and she said that that behavour is completely unacepable and she is going to sort it out. So there you go the insicure bully is going down. Thank you. :bounce_ci

[skattyasfuk]

And the weekend is here Ave IT!! :weee:

[pixiefied]

my girlfriend used to work in some data imput place, and the boss incharge there, hazel, was a proper bitch. summin seriously wrong with her. the whole office seem such a shitty place to work, it was dead clicky and the boss had her clicky reptilian mates that used to sit at the front and also used to try bullyin people. there was loads of gossip and back stabbing all the time. it was mostly middle aged woman that worked there cept for gfriend who was about 20 at the time. the boss used to pick on her really bad, not that she was bothered, she just got on with it. but she used to scream at her across the office infront of everyone if she made any mistakes. while at the same time her nephew who was apparently really incompitent got away with everything.
in the end the company closed that office down and offered everyone a transfer to another office in the next town, the boss got offered a transfer, but not as a boss, just as a normal worker. ha which she declined.
last i heard her husband had gone bankrupt and they were well in the shit.
aww shame aint it.:lol_crash

[Stealth B52]

Hay, i just want to make sure you've covered your back...

Once they have been employed for one month, all employees are entitled to a written statement of terms and conditions. From 1 October 2004, this statement must include details of the employer's grievance procedure. The employer can choose how s/he gives these details to the employees, for example, in the contract of employment or as a letter setting out the procedures.

Have you been employed for over a year? and do you have an employment contract?

Under the standard grievance procedure, the employee must send the employer a written statement of grievance, or a copy of it. This is known as a Step one letter. A questionnaire, for example, in a potential discrimination case, does not constitute a statement of grievance. The employee must keep a copy of the letter and proof that it has been given to the employer, for example, s/he may wish to send it by registered post, or deliver it by hand and have someone witness the delivery.

The regulations do not set out how the employee must set out the reason for the grievance. The government has produced a draft standard letter which shows that a grievance letter should be signed and should include:-


1. the name of the employee
2. the name of the employer
3. the date
4. the date of the matter the employee is making the grievance about and
5. details of the actual grievance
6. a request for a meeting to discuss the matter.

By law... you need to follow complaint procedure... Put every bit of communication concerning problems in writting as proof just in case they turn around and dismiss you for a different reason... at least that way, you could still have a case for discrimination and unfair dismissal...
Between an Employment tribunal or ACAS... i would opt for the tribunal.

[skattyasfuk]

And the bullying goes on! My next step wil be to write a letter, I have told my area manager who in turn told my manager what I had said to her.
On monday morning me and my manager had a formal discussion which is supposed to involve somebody with a completely unbiased view taking notes, my manager had a person who was completely biased and on her side take notes. I had 2 people in the interview and was made to tell them both what my problem was, the person taking the notes also got involved in the discussion and made it quite clear that she was on her side! Appaerently if my area manager saw the notes she had taken she would rip it up and say it was just "tittle tattle". Needless to say my manager is denying everything. See I dont no what to do now really because to be fair she has been kind of nice to me these past couple of days, perhaps it was a case of her not realising her actions and now she has been told she may stop. Should I go through with the complaint or should I leave it and see if it starts to happen again?

[General Lighting]

And the bullying goes on! My next step wil be to write a letter, I have told my area manager who in turn told my manager what I had said to her.
On monday morning me and my manager had a formal discussion which is supposed to involve somebody with a completely unbiased view taking notes, my manager had a person who was completely biased and on her side take notes. I had 2 people in the interview and was made to tell them both what my problem was, the person taking the notes also got involved in the discussion and made it quite clear that she was on her side! Appaerently if my area manager saw the notes she had taken she would rip it up and say it was just "tittle tattle". Needless to say my manager is denying everything. See I dont no what to do now really because to be fair she has been kind of nice to me these past couple of days, perhaps it was a case of her not realising her actions and now she has been told she may stop. Should I go through with the complaint or should I leave it and see if it starts to happen again?

I'd monitor the situation and ensure that she is not just being nice in the short term.

as you have already "stirred the pot" though the other thing I would do is research your employers immediate competitors and see if they are hiring (check that they do not treat their staff in a worse manner though!). do not however let on you are looking for a new job because of bullying - say its because you want to progresss in your career! If the organisation as a whole is not prepared to be progressive and accept that young people can be good workers then maybe their payback could be seeing you become a manager at a rival store - and eat away at their takings!

is there a big age / culture difference between the two of you? a lot of older people automatically assume that the youth should "respect" them and many refuse to accept that young people have minds on their own - when they stand up for themselves they often whinge about "political correctness" and "lack of discipline".

[Stealth B52]

Not knowing your situation i can only advise on what i know... How long have you been employed there? what was concluded at the end of the meeting?... have you been given anything in writing?
I would say write the grevience letter... note down everything your not happy about and requesting a metting to try to clear the air at least that way the problem might stand a chance of getting sorted... Seriously, thats my best advise to you... it won't do no harm and if things go wrong then it'll help you!

[funny cat]

hey guys, just been reading this thread, me and my workmates have just complained to higher management about our 'assistant manager'...i'm pretty freaked now though, waiting for everything to explode in our faces...we're just sick of his shit though, he slags us all off to each other, gives us all his work then skives off, speaks to us like 3 yr olds, the list goes on, basically causes a lot of tension in the team....i guess i just wait for the explosion now!! we are so desperate though..HE DRIVES US INSANE!!!!!
:omg: :frown:

[General Lighting]

hey guys, just been reading this thread, me and my workmates have just complained to higher management about our 'assistant manager'...i'm pretty freaked now though, waiting for everything to explode in our faces...we're just sick of his shit though, he slags us all off to each other, gives us all his work then skives off, speaks to us like 3 yr olds, the list goes on, basically causes a lot of tension in the team....i guess i just wait for the explosion now!! we are so desperate though..HE DRIVES US INSANE!!!!!
:omg: :frown:

without incriminating yourself, what sort of business is this and what ages are involved?

sadly I've found this to be a commonplace situation in smaller businesses where there are a lot of younger staff - or perhaps junior staff in their 20s and someone just slightly older but who still has a "laddish (or laddette") attitude

there's a lot of competition about particularly with the constant threat of downsizing/outsourcing to most businesses, everyone is trying to fight their corner

its got to the point where I prefer to work in organisations where the managers are in their middle years and a bit more conventionally-minded in their business management methods; even if it does mean I have to wear a tie or go to boring meetings... surprisingly enough particularly if they have more secure jobs it works better as they don't see you as a threat

I'm lucky though I work in a place where I am respected and also "left to get on with my job" without micromanagement (often though because managers aren't quite sure of the technical aspects of what I do!)

it could be a lot worse though - I've become aware of an incident where a falling out over a start up business has ended up in actual violence, and it looks like not only are there injuries and prison terms for people; the whole venture may fold and everyones dreams are fucked..

[funny cat]

well we work in a college and we are all early-mid twenties, he's about 30 and he's pretty much the opposite of laddish he's a gay man that has a liking for dressing like women! i know it could be worse but it's been such a long time and it makes work such a miserable place to be, i was going home crying this time last year.....i think our boss has actually gone to talk to him RIGHT NOW............EEEEEEKKK!!!!

[General Lighting]

well we work in a college and we are all early-mid twenties, he's about 30 and he's pretty much the opposite of laddish he's a gay man that has a liking for dressing like women! i know it could be worse but it's been such a long time and it makes work such a miserable place to be, i was going home crying this time last year.....i think our boss has actually gone to talk to him RIGHT NOW............EEEEEEKKK!!!!

perhaps "laddish" was the wrong term, but just because he's gay wouldn't remove his competitive mentality which is what I am getting at (this equally applies to women in management positions who often bully subordinates of both genders)

there are plenty of aggressive gay men like that in the media industry where I used to work. as a straight male I had to be careful as well if I complained about their attitude as I could be accused of homophobia/intolerance...

Everything else fits in with this situation I described earlier and its a big problem in the education sector as there are a lot of strong personalities about, and everyone is trying to prove themselves. It needs to be stamped out though or the bad attitudes can carry through to the students...

[Andy Why?]

Eyup Skatty,
make a log of her behaviour as evidence before making any complaint. Not sure who you would complain to unless it is part of a chain. Do you really have to stop there? I know it is undesirable to give in to bullies, but sometimes it can be better to admit defeat. I suffered minor bullying (they probably didn't even recognise it as bullying) in previous job as machinist (like being at school again, not that I was bullied at school). I was laid off when downturn in economy occured (1998), prompting me to follow my dream. Started media degree, after two years had to get job and am now in process of finishing degree. Every cloud etc. I'm not saying college is the perfect answer for everyone, but I've now turned 40. I presume you are younger and could well find that there are better opportunities out there.
Keep smiling and DLTBGYD!

[shortylila]

I have to say I have been bullied in more than one of my work places before. In my first ever job I had the guy who owned the places daughter as an assistant manager. I was supposed to be a trainee travel consultant .. trainee being the word but i actually ended up training myself as I was made to dust shelves and all the stuff a cleaner should do. Anything I did was reported back to her daddy. She would put me down all the time in front of clients and everyone. I just sat back and took it but one day I was taken aside and told after 11 months and 2 days that I had done a fantastic job but they were letting me go. I was ready to let it go but my dad was not. We went to the CAB ( citizens advice Bureau) and they took on my case. I ended up settling out of court and got money i could have never got in court.

I then later on worked for another company and I ended up working for a manager who worked for the above company and she treated me like crap. Well she told in front of all the call centre staff that i had done something wrong when she should have taken me into another room. I had done nothing wrong but stand up for myself about a booking worth £12000 that I had loads of work on. She then said I was spoilt just because I got a lift to work from my folks because public transport was crap where I lived. She should have known she lived in the same place as me!!!

I complained to my managing director and he did nothing but set up a meeting with my manager.. she said she would do the same again... I gave up after being upset and depressed for 4 months and handed in my resignation. Loads of people did the same but looking back it was a cop out but I happy now.

It is different with different jobs depends what you think is the best though.

If I was you I would make her life hell she is obviously jealous of the good work you are doing but unfortunatly she has friends in the right places.

All I can say is keep at it babes ... the saying is true it is easier to find a job from a job xxxxxxxxxx

[bleedinears]

[quote]Increase your self-confidence. This may reduce your susceptibility to bullying, and make you feel better about yourself all round. . Well, speaking as a guy, I always wished I'd taken up a martial art as a kid, so by the time I got into the potential bullying time in my life, I knew how to handle my body, and knew what it was like trying to shift someone else's body weight around, and how to throw an effective punch, and shit like that basically. If someone knows you can handle yourself they are much less likely to give you any shit. I started trying to build my muscles up when I was 13, and I am quite strong now, but I still need to take up a martial art because I still don't know how to use my body effectively. I'm almost 22 btw, but as I said, you can get bullied at any point in your life, if you are a quiet introverted person like myself. [quote]

It has been quite sad reading all of these posts and silverfox has actually stated a very important point, in fact all the points raised have been valid, but i was going to suggest martial arts as it not only teaches you how to use your body but also gives you self confidence and as you say if people know you do it they tend to leave you alone. I am very fearful about bullying in schools - they extent to which these youngsters are prepared to go is shocking (today hearing about a girl repeatedly stabbed in the dinner queue) But i agree with GL here these are no longer 'kids' but a by-product of our society. As you say GL they are mini consumers and all that entails. I think the only way to tackle the situation is to just take the bull by the horns and adults take responsibility for the morality that is being instilled into the younger generation. CHILDREN (which ultimatley these young scalliwags are and should again be viewed as such). As you say GL they see violence as a 'norm' and all the role models are 'gangsters' for fucks sake. Anyway this rant has come from a mum who doesn't take shit from kids!! I see so many mums not laying down the law when they are young - this is where the problem stems from - RESPECT. Most of these little shits don't respect their mum, home etc so you can expect little else. but if the adults are not correcting this they don't know any different. sorry just realised i've digressed from the subject of martial arts into a rant on discipline to curb potential bullies. But yes silverfox i think you should pursue martial arts - as i say it will give you confidence! I have be teaching my son tae kwon do since he was 3. I think it is particularly important as although not by any means small he is very soft natured (except when jumping around shouting 'london acid cityraaa ')and could easily be targeted for this reason. So positive energy on both sides of the coin - for the bullies to be shown discipline and respect (people see that as whip cracking i actually think its positive - free thinking and rebellian should come when you've learnt how to swim with the current - then you can swim against it) and for the recipiants to engage in confidence building activities..


PLUR - Doing it the old skool way x t'rah

[skattyasfuk]

Hey, I have a new job!! One that is monday to friday! 9-5 cant wait I can actaully have a social life again and begin doing proper things at the weekend! I find myself just going to the local places coz I have work the next day!! Now I can do wot I want and if I want a weekend off I dont have to take is as part of my holiday! and I get all of the bank holidays off over xmas to! Happy new year to me!! :cloud9:

[General Lighting]

Hey, I have a new job!! One that is monday to friday! 9-5 cant wait I can actaully have a social life again and begin doing proper things at the weekend! I find myself just going to the local places coz I have work the next day!! Now I can do wot I want and if I want a weekend off I dont have to take is as part of my holiday! and I get all of the bank holidays off over xmas to! Happy new year to me!! :cloud9:

excellent news - it was such a shame you missed out on some of the parties in our area... I could never hack weekend working again (even though in IT it pays overtime rates) as I feel I work hard during the week and value my free time..

is it in retail as well? if its in the same product field you can also still get back at the woman who bullied you as you know your former employers strengths and weaknesses and can use them to advantage to take business from them (without giving away signs of obvious "industrial espionage")

[skattyasfuk]

No its at an estate agents im an admistrator so wont have to work weekends and I have also taken a £1,500 wage drop but my happiness and time are more important to me than any amount of money someone will pay me!
Im only going to be doing that for a while though (until next summer) as im hopefully going to be a childrens entertainer(redcoat,blue coat) at one of the holiday camps in England Butlins, haven etc! This is something I really want to do and of coarse it will be a 7 day a week job with rubbish pay but its something that I will love doing! Bouncing about like a looney on stage and having lots of fun!
Yep last weekend will be the last weekend I will ever have to work in a mindnumbing job watching a load of mindless shallow zombies walking about coz they cant think of anything better to do on a sunday! ahhhh man I have so many things planned for MY weekends and MY time!

[shortylila]

Congratulations on the new job babes you well deserve it. I work in an monday to friday 9-5.30 job and I swear to god I am never going back to working weekends! I am so much more relaxed since I got this job although I am the only girl working with a sex craved youngster and a deaf old bastard also a manager that dont know his arse from his elbow but still i get by and so look forward to the weekends.

It dont matter whether you have something on at the weekend or not you still look forward to it. I actually look forward to doing nothing but relaxing at home and staying in bed all weekend with my fella.

I hope things work out for you babes and follow your dreams... I plan to do that soon and try and get out of this so called great business people call travel... is not as good as you think .. in nearly 8 years the only perks of the job I have had is free pens and free scotrail travel ... yee haaa!!


Anyway babes good luck to you and glad things are going great finally for you.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[General Lighting]

IME the industries everyone wants to be part of are usually the worst for inter-colleague rivalry and destructive competitiveness if not actual bullying -
for 3 years I worked in the TV industry - although bullying wasn't that bad lots of the engineers all competed with one another rather than worked together (wasn't helped by modern business practices where organisations are encouraged to compete across business units for limited resources and work, and those who do not get enough are downsized)

I used to get service calls from one part of a national broadcaster saying a piece of equipment (which I had personally tested before despatch) was faulty; only to receive a further call an hour later from a very sheepish engineer admitting that another region had sabotaged the equipment because they had a similar bit of kit and wanted the work...

a few years ago, when me and my friends tried to do legal radio stations and raves the politics and backbiting was horrendous -there were near fights as stressful situations developed, and it was worse because everyone was supposedly friends so there wasn't the social barrier which would have prevented you kicking off at your normal workplace because you would have been disciplined or arrested...

its got better now but quite frankly IMO only because wider society wants to destroy the rave scene and people have been forced to work together...

on the garage/grime scene where there is more of a commercial ethos sabotaging of rival events is commonplace, anything from hoax bomb calls to staged fights, CS being let off, DJ's being beaten up and stabbings/shootings.

today I work for a public sector organisation, writing programs to and scripts to produce financial reports. this work is often boring; but everyone in the team is really sound, its such a boring job no one wants to take it off you unless they are really desparate....

[funny cat]

remember a while ago I posted about the troubles me and my work mates were having with our assistant manager, well now our manager has announced he's leaving and guess who's hoping to fill his shoes??!! We did lodge a complaint about him....but if he gets into this position we are all walking out for sure.................:get_you: :rant: :cry:

[shortylila]

remember a while ago I posted about the troubles me and my work mates were having with our assistant manager, well now our manager has announced he's leaving and guess who's hoping to fill his shoes??!! We did lodge a complaint about him....but if he gets into this position we are all walking out for sure.................:get_you: :rant: :cry:

Please do not walk out of your job if you enjoy it.. the reason I am saying this is because the guy would have won.

He wants you all to leave and it is obvious the way he is acting. I have been there and walked out before and it has done no good the people left there have had to put up with the shit. We get a mag in work every month and this month was about bullying so I will tell you what they said... You may have gone higher than this person and it may not have worked but still go higher and higher and get more people to do the same.

The more people that complain the better .. if it still dont work sign up to a union and they will do the work for you. At the moment I work with a guy younger than me but is at the same level as me but is the rudest guy you will ever meet... I never used to bite back but it is working....sometimes he is so rude I have to walk out the room for a breather.. I complained the other day to my regional manager and as I thought nothing was done about it.. went higher and it was sorted. You just need to put on the pressure babes and say if it carries on I am out... they wont want to lose you as will cost them more so they will have to do something as legally it is wrong to be bullied!!

Hope you get it sorted out babes

xxx

[shortylila]

if in doubt go to the citizens advice as they are great and is free .. .will advise you what is the best option xxxxxxxxxx

[Col]

Hi,
Working to live is my moto and normally when im not there I have a life but recently its all I can bloody think about. I am the assistant manger of a shop (yes I know fantastic job,but I am only 19) My boss
. Talks abot me on a personal level to other members of staff
. Tells other members of staff confidential things about me
. I have been late once, my timekeeping and attendance is of high standard but yet im late once and she ignores me for a week.
. I have absolutely no support from her what so ever
. Another manager (that she is friends with) shouted at me so I complained and she said it was basically childish of me to say anything. Correct me if im wron but i am a human being and do not ever deserve to be spoken to like a peace of dirt.
. She speaks down to me in fromt of custumers and members of staff
. She has once made me cry because she shouted at me for no apperent reason.
. And I was always led to believe that deligating is an efficeint way of getting something done if you are already busy. Not deligating when you are standing around not doing anything yourself?
I feel like I am being victimised harassed and bullied by this person. What do you think do I complain? would they just think it was childish banter? im really getting down about this because I dont no whether people will actually listen to me or not. Does it sound childish to you? had anyone else experienced anything like this? would be great to hear.
Thank you

. Anthing that I do is critisized

not read the thread fully so don't know if anyone else has said this to you or not but my advice

Dont be a victim, confront your manager and tell them that on this occasion you are prepared to resolve any issues they have with you in person and that any further victimisation will result in you taking it further.

say it in such a way that gives the perception it's not something you really want to do but feel you will have no choice if your hand is forced.

If the problem persists then do take it further but make sure you acquire some evidence in case it ends up at a tribunal or whatever.

[globalloon]

i haven't posted on here before because i thought i worked somewhere quite unusual, where the employer's ethos of trust and committment to a cause meant that all staff would be working to many aims, but with a common aim in mind, and doing so in such a way that bullying would never feature

but recently a void of power has emerged... we've always had what's known as 'horzontal management'... that is, everyone gets their own job done and the senior mangers get on with finding funds to keep us in a job and moving the organisation forward in a strategic way... but recently 2 of the 3 managers have had serious personal matters that have left the staff without management or supervision and two staff have tried to take over

their method? undermining everybody else, spreading lies about other staff, criticising the work of other staff without understanding the role

bullying at work is not illegal, but it challengable in an employment tribunal. the difficulty with that is that if you accuse someone of bullying, the can launch a counter sue, for which you are personally financially liable.

I'm applying for new jobs:rant:

[Dr Bunsen]

i haven't posted on here before because i thought i worked somewhere quite unusual, where the employer's ethos of trust and committment to a cause meant that all staff would be working to many aims, but with a common aim in mind, and doing so in such a way that bullying would never feature

but recently a void of power has emerged... we've always had what's known as 'horzontal management'... that is, everyone gets their own job done and the senior mangers get on with finding funds to keep us in a job and moving the organisation forward in a strategic way... but recently 2 of the 3 managers have had serious personal matters that have left the staff without management or supervision and two staff have tried to take over

their method? undermining everybody else, spreading lies about other staff, criticising the work of other staff without understanding the role

bullying at work is not illegal, but it challengable in an employment tribunal. the difficulty with that is that if you accuse someone of bullying, the can launch a counter sue, for which you are personally financially liable.

I'm applying for new jobs:rant:

Microsoft are reputed to fire 10% of their work force annually in order to keep the rest motivated and Enron made their employees vote on which of their peers got the sack or not each year...

[andy ridgeway]

bullying in the workplace is the only thing that makes my job worth turning up for.

i know it might hurt your feelings but try and look at it from your boss's point of view.

[shortylila]

I thought I had a good job until recently. We had 3 staff plus a regional manager however one member left and so did the manager so that has left me working with a 60 year old guy who is stuck in his ways and expects me to do all the meanial jobs which I am not happy about. we both should be doing it.

We are currently doing the job of 7 people and our head office dont seem to care. We have said that we need more staff but there has been a freeze on employment. We have had temps in to help us out but they only seem to last 2 weeks maybe 3 at a maximum and I can not carry on training new people all the time.

I had to call in sick today as I had a major asthma attack this morning. I know it is stress induced and can not carry on like this. I know I am going to get in major trouble tomorrow about being off sick but I really dont care.

I can not carry on like this and am trying to find a new job. The only thing good is we have the go ahead to employ new staff but how long is that going to take.

Why is it managers dont have a clue about what is happening in the actual work place... ours dont as we are up in glasgow and they are down in Surrey and never visit!!!

[Shurik'n]

I think thats the way of things lol, As my manager once said to me, a company is like a bunch of monkeys on a christmas tree, when the one up on top looks down all he sees are smiling faces, and when the one on the bottom looks up all he sees are arseholes, Its the way of it, and it holds back buisness so much.. but hey, In my line of work its full of sexual discrimination.. my advise is if your not happy say something about it if after a while your still not happy then perhaps through no fault of your own the place isnt right for you, Its not your fault that the company you work for is full of norrow minded scum, and think of it this way, If your being victimised at work i think your probably too good for that company anyway.
just my two cents,
anyways
byeeee

[little luke]

i get bullied by other workers. not physical bullying, dont wanna sound like a pussy over it, but its general knock-downs all the time, at the end of the day i jus dont wanna go back

[DaNcInGalaxie]

postive affirmations.forces of thoughts creat our realitys.so simple really.

[devang]

at work place it all happens.

If I sit to write all of those bullies then it's gonna take me long hrs...

[Raj]

A pupil mentoring scheme which aims to tackle bullying and keep children safe in school has been given a cash boost.

The scheme which allows children to report bullying to elected older pupils who work with teachers is being rolled out to one in 10 schools in England.





The full article is found here (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/6158148.stm)


Sounds like a great idea to me :weee:


Do you guys think it will/won't work?

[globalloon]

[/SIZE]


The full article is found here (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/6158148.stm)


Sounds like a great idea to me :weee:


Do you guys think it will/won't work?


peer mentoring is effective. simply put, people listen to their own better than 'professionals'employed to tell you what to do / think

i'm involved in a mentoring project for men leaving prison and prisoners find the relationship quite profound for 3 reasons. often a volunteer mentor is the only perosn who has ever listened to them, told them they can achieve their goals. the fact that i am not paid (probation, police, social worker etc) has a real impact. also, the fact that i've been around the block a few times means i'm not judging or sitting on the righteous side of the fence