NHS / urine samples..

[General Lighting]

finally got round to registering with the local GP surgery - got to fill in this form which is fair enough, but they also want 20ml of urine.

1. what are the NHS checking for here? can understand if its things like diabetes or other chronic conditions, but would they screen for substances?

2. how are you supposed to fill this without pissing on your own hand?

[Tank Girl]

Gl they'll be looking for
Protein, Glucose,
this is to see if there is any hyper tension or diabetes
and also look for any sign of infection

and pee into a cup and then dispense :wink: or a funnel

[wee_dancer]

2. how are you supposed to fill this without pissing on your own hand?

Had the same problem when I went for an STI check-up. Fuckers just give you a container right there with noway of actually getting it into it without pissing all over your hand...but i'm not really one to care about these things as it's easy enough to wash of :weee:

[Angel]

2. how are you supposed to fill this without pissing on your own hand?

How do you think it is for us females :pee:

At least you can see what you're doing :laugh_at:

[JulesDogg]

I bit of wee on your hands won't do any harm.

Pee Pee:

I was doing a lot of climbing in Thailand a while back and my feet were getting a bit fucked up due to the heat and sweating too much. I tried frequent washing and it didn't do much good. Then I remembered a conversation with a Dutch guy who told me about the healing properties of fresh urine. Next day I bought a plastic bowl from the market and each morning emptied my bladder into it and soaked my feet in the piss. After a soaking I'd rinse the piss off and go for brekky. After about 2 weeks doing this the skin on my feet were in perfect condition. Hoorah for fresh piss :weee:

[Tank Girl]

[quote=General Lighting;237976] but would they screen for substances?

[quote]

they wouldnt automatically screen for substances, as it actually costs alot of money to do this and wont unnecessarly

(i actually asked a doctor who gave me the above answer)

[GiantMidget]

I bit of wee on your hands won't do any harm.

Pee Pee:

I was doing a lot of climbing in Thailand a while back and my feet were getting a bit fucked up due to the heat and sweating too much. I tried frequent washing and it didn't do much good. Then I remembered a conversation with a Dutch guy who told me about the healing properties of fresh urine. Next day I bought a plastic bowl from the market and each morning emptied my bladder into it and soaked my feet in the piss. After a soaking I'd rinse the piss off and go for brekky. After about 2 weeks doing this the skin on my feet were in perfect condition. Hoorah for fresh piss :weee:

The desert rats used to do this in WW2. My uncle (now deceased) was a desert rat and told me they (the soldiers) used to do this, They'd dig a massive pit and all have a piss and sit there with their feet in, quite a sociable event he told me! :wink:

[DaftFader]

ask them to hold it for you (the pot i meen:laugh_at:).. failing that ask if you can use some of there rubber gloves :wink:

[Sini]

ask them to hold it for you (the pot i meen:laugh_at:).. failing that ask if you can use some of there rubber gloves :wink:

the voice of experience :wink:

[Tank Girl]

The desert rats used to do this in WW2. My uncle (now deceased) was a desert rat and told me they (the soldiers) used to do this, They'd dig a massive pit and all have a piss and sit there with their feet in, quite a sociable event he told me! :wink:
Urine therapy - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Urine_therapy)

there's actually quite alot more people than you'd think that do 'urine therapy' in the UK, it's meant to have anti cancer qualities amongst other things - but not medically proven,
I'd be quite happy to put my feet in a bowel of wee, but not so sure I'd like to drink it unless there was no water around anywhere and I was dehydrated.....

[process]

Urine therapy - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Urine_therapy)

there's actually quite alot more people than you'd think that do 'urine therapy' in the UK, it's meant to have anti cancer qualities amongst other things - but not medically proven,
I'd be quite happy to put my feet in a bowel of wee, but not so sure I'd like to drink it unless there was no water around anywhere and I was dehydrated.....


in which case your piss would be that horrible dark yellow, like you get the next morning after a night out :yakk:

[process]

this guy i used to know used to drink half a pint of piss every morning with a piece of brown bread. apparently it has to be the first piss for some reason. He used to swear by it. Saying that tho he always wanted us to call him g-dog and wrote eat crack on his trousers while having a mini dog shaved into his head and a check board on the other side. fucking wierdo. :you_crazy:

[Southcaver]

You've got some interesting friends mate:laugh_at:

[Sini]

Sounds like a right character process!
Urine and a slice of brown bread, the new breakfast soon to sweep the nation?

[process]

You've got some interesting friends mate:laugh_at:

thats nothing hqave you met sparkplug? :wink:

My mate used to know someone in bath who changed his name by deedpoll to his national insurance number and used to walk around with a scuba diving mask and mouth piece thing. loon :you_crazy:

[Tank Girl]

There was a man up the road form us who I knew,
who'd walk round with tin foil on his head kept in place with a hair net,
to stop thoughts being put into his head
a pint glass with water and a ping pong ball in it with an eye drawn on it,

bless him he'd become unwell at art college with a bit too much LSD in the 60's

[Tank Girl]

in which case your piss would be that horrible dark yellow, like you get the next morning after a night out :yakk:
syrup pee :yakk:


I'd not thought of that :you_crazy

[General Lighting]

turned out it wasn't that difficult to fill it without spilling any or getting it on my hands, but I did have a week to practice aim/flow control :laugh_at: Managed to get just the right amount in, slightly over 20ml but not enough to overflow.

Was quite pleased with myself TBH (apparently not being able to do this may be a sign of problems with bladder control)

The nurse just checked the sample with those coloured sticks, and none of the "bad" colours came up (that would mean I have some nasty chronic diseases). Got asked a bunch of medical questions, have to say I probably lied a bit about alcohol intake (didn't want to get referred to some damn do gooder clinic)

I'm registered now, and as much as I have great respect for the fact the NHS is there to patch you up, hopefully that is the last I will see of the local doctor's surgery for some months (I am usually fairly healthy....)

[General Lighting]

oh and an even better result is that I left the house with 20ml of urine in a plastic bottle, but found a off licence I didn't know existed and (after producing a challenge 21 card to get past a turnstile!!!) returned with 3 bottles of cheap (but drinkable) red wine :laugh_at:

[DaftFader]

oh and an even better result is that I left the house with 20ml of urine in a plastic bottle, but found a off licence I didn't know existed and (after producing a challenge 21 card to get past a turnstile!!!) returned with 3 bottles of cheap (but drinkable) red wine :laugh_at:
wee into wine .. thats one up on jezus :weee:

[globalloon]

finally got round to registering with the local GP surgery - got to fill in this form which is fair enough, but they also want 20ml of urine.

1. what are the NHS checking for here? can understand if its things like diabetes or other chronic conditions, but would they screen for substances?

2. how are you supposed to fill this without pissing on your own hand?

1. ask. they can only legally check for anything that you give permission to check for

2. i was in a club toilet one time and i took a piss then started to walk out without washing my hands. this german bloke sais to me "in germany they teach us to wash our hands after we piss". i said "in england they teach us not to piss on our hands"

maybe this german bloke is now working in the NHS

[GiantMidget]

2. i was in a club toilet one time and i took a piss then started to walk out without washing my hands. this german bloke sais to me "in germany they teach us to wash our hands after we piss". i said "in england they teach us not to piss on our hands"


:laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at:

[Tank Girl]

2. i was in a club toilet one time and i took a piss then started to walk out without washing my hands. this german bloke sais to me "in germany they teach us to wash our hands after we piss". i said "in england they teach us not to piss on our hands"

maybe this german bloke is now working in the NHS
A friend was in a club toilet having a slash when this rasta guy put his hand through the stream of piss, licked his hand and said ' you've been drinking rum', my friend promptly ran away :laugh_at:

[GiantMidget]

A friend was in a club toilet having a slash when this rasta guy put his hand through the stream of piss, licked his hand and said ' you've been drinking rum', my friend promptly ran away :laugh_at:

Jesus thats wrong, imagine if your mate had been taking a shit instead??? :crazy:

[General Lighting]

1. ask. they can only legally check for anything that you give permission to check for

2. i was in a club toilet one time and i took a piss then started to walk out without washing my hands. this german bloke sais to me "in germany they teach us to wash our hands after we piss". i said "in england they teach us not to piss on our hands"



they did the test in front of me and I had full view of the papers. it was just the normal one (I am not a medical expert so can't explain it fully but I have had it before and it was to make sure there wasn't blood or too much sugar or some things called ketones etc in the urine).

Came up as a good result anyway which I am pleased about, as there is a history of diabetes in my family

I did manage to fill the container accurately and cleanly, not one stray drop :laugh_at:

@daftfader - I think Jesus didn't need to pay a tenner though, nor produce a challenge 21 card before a turnstile was unlocked. In this area they'd think it was a fake, as his DOB would presumably be 25-12-9999 and he'd get picked up by the Safer Neighbourhood Team and then referred to a Church of England pastor to address his substance abuse issues :laugh_at:

[DaftFader]

they did the test in front of me and I had full view of the papers. it was just the normal one (I am not a medical expert so can't explain it fully but I have had it before and it was to make sure there wasn't blood or too much sugar or some things called ketones etc in the urine).

Came up as a good result anyway which I am pleased about, as there is a history of diabetes in my family

I did manage to fill the container accurately and cleanly, not one stray drop :laugh_at:

@daftfader - I think Jesus didn't need to pay a tenner though, nor produce a challenge 21 card before a turnstile was unlocked. In this area they'd think it was a fake, as his DOB would presumably be 25-12-9999 and he'd get picked up by the Safer Neighbourhood Team and then referred to a Church of England pastor to address his substance abuse issues :laugh_at:
haha yeah i have often thought if the second comming of jesuz happened in this day and age he would just get locked up in a mental asylum:you_crazy