I am now free!

[ladywolf]

Hi guys, if you still remember me, i did some posts back then about me taking heroin, now i am free as a bird!

I am so grateful that i manage to free myself from the drug.It is so hard to get yourself off heroin.But i did it!

YEY!

So i decided to get on methadone and the doze is decreasing from day to day..at first i got a 6ml a day.Now 3.5ml a day.I keep on decreasing it from time to time until i am strong enough to let go.

I am free from heroin for more than a month now, and i am glad. My face looks normal again, with pinkish blush on the cheek.I can find jobs again and eat normally again.

And when i look back at those times when i was still using, i am afraid.how i would spend all my money just to buy stuff, how i would lock myself in my room and not getting out or socializing with others for months.How i would not eat anything until i am all bones.

I know everybody always said that meth is 100 times more potent than heroin. But i think it is better than taking heroin itself!

At least with meth i can temper my doze and slowly i know i can get off this thing because i did it before.When the meth doze has gone really low, i will get sick when i stop meth, i know, but it is only for max 24 hours so why not? i will be free forever after that! I think it is worth it.

I know for people like me who have tried heroin before in their life is very hard for us to get off the habit.Even after some time we will remember how does it taste like and the urge of taking is high.

But i always stir these emotions into something else useful. For example when i really want to take, i will first curse myself by saying it is expensive and not worth it.Especially when u take meth, taking heroin wont feel anything so why take it? Then i will go shopping or eat ice cream or do anything i like.

And then i manage to get free!

I hope that this testimony can help who is out there and have the same problem like me.

Cheers!

[Tank Girl]

good to hear you are in a better place than you were before :group_hug

is the drug team / doctor also providing you with support / councelling to work along side the methadone reduction?

[Playground Politics]

wahooooo we are soooo proud of u, we alll have hope that u wont go back to it and that u will have the strength to stop it all together(methadone as well) and really experiance the amazing things in life(not that i have taken heroin or even think about it) but i believe that sitting in a forest with woods listening to reggae can be a million times better than any hit off any drug

i hope that u are ok, and if u need anyone to talk to we are all here (including me)
:-)

[ladywolf]

good to hear you are in a better place than you were before :group_hug

is the drug team / doctor also providing you with support / councelling to work along side the methadone reduction?



No, too bad here in Shanghai, China they don't provide any side counseling or moral support.

It is already good enough that they let me drink the methadone since i am a foreigner here.And i am the only one foreigner ever known admitted to the methadone clinic.(Sometimes i feel like an experiment from the way the doctor treated me, but its okay)

To balance my moral, i go to church always, every saturday. And i read the bible verses everyday and pray and sing praises.

I also get busy with working and walk with my dog. My dog is so happy to see me 'alive' again. He used to wait outside my room looking sad. Now we get to sleep and shower together.We even walk and always together whenever i am in the house.He doesnt have nightmares anymore like last time and i can see his happy face.

[ladywolf]

wahooooo we are soooo proud of u, we alll have hope that u wont go back to it and that u will have the strength to stop it all together(methadone as well) and really experiance the amazing things in life(not that i have taken heroin or even think about it) but i believe that sitting in a forest with woods listening to reggae can be a million times better than any hit off any drug

i hope that u are ok, and if u need anyone to talk to we are all here (including me)
:-)


Thanks! i will!

[DaftFader]

I am free from heroin for more than a month now, and i am glad. My face looks normal again, with pinkish blush on the cheek.I can find jobs again and eat normally again.good on you!!!!!:love:

[JonnyQuest]

well done my girl bloody well done!raaa raaa

[Angel]

Glad to hear things are good with you

Well done :group_hug

[MrAHC]

well done i honestly didnt think you would do it. you proved me wrong...

i was clean for 6 years but recently relapsed and have a habit again it took a few months to get one but it happened in the end. you know how it is with gear it plays tricks in your head and you make all sorts of excuses...

now i got to think how i'm going to stop, only smokeing around .8 a gram a day but i'm buying 1 gram at a time so it could go up unless i keep disaplined which meens i wont get stoned and thats no good...
a trip to the doctors to see bout a subutex script is in order, though last time i tryed them they didnt realy work but i was one of the pilot scheeme people when they first came out n there may of been a plasebo or a problem with dosage?

[starlaugh]

raaaraaaraaaraaa

Well done, I tried to give you a gold star but it keeps getting stuck to my pc monitor so I have given up. Its the thought that counts anyway :weee:

[Digital-A]

:group_hug

[vodkavixen]

Well done girl! I had a little habit with my ex a few years ago and know how hard it is to kick and how easy it is to slip back into it!! I'm pretty sure if i hadnt of had my little boy I'd have slipped back by now but with him around it gives a damn good reason not to. Lifes too good to lose a chunk of it to that shit!! Saps the life out of ya, eh?! Keep goin girl.:wink: :wink:

[Raj]

Well done Ladywolf :)

You have brightened my day just as yours are brighter too now :weee:

Keep up the good work :group_hug:group_hug

[MrAHC]

Well done girl! I had a little habit with my ex a few years ago and know how hard it is to kick and how easy it is to slip back into it!! I'm pretty sure if i hadnt of had my little boy I'd have slipped back by now but with him around it gives a damn good reason not to. Lifes too good to lose a chunk of it to that shit!! Saps the life out of ya, eh?! Keep goin girl.:wink: :wink: i think you need someone there to stay clean for, thats one thing gear is good for is keeping lonlyness away. i realy noticed it yesterday in a bar that i used to chat the bar maids in this one local bar and i didnt even pay them any atention at all yesterday. i thought that a private victory :laugh_at:

[ladywolf]

well done i honestly didnt think you would do it. you proved me wrong...

i was clean for 6 years but recently relapsed and have a habit again it took a few months to get one but it happened in the end. you know how it is with gear it plays tricks in your head and you make all sorts of excuses...

now i got to think how i'm going to stop, only smokeing around .8 a gram a day but i'm buying 1 gram at a time so it could go up unless i keep disaplined which meens i wont get stoned and thats no good...
a trip to the doctors to see bout a subutex script is in order, though last time i tryed them they didnt realy work but i was one of the pilot scheeme people when they first came out n there may of been a plasebo or a problem with dosage?


Are you trying to tell me that you relapse on Heroin recently (gear) ?
But whatever you are smoking...0.8g a day IS A LOT! it is more than 0.5gram already!

Please stop..i know i can't be naive like as if i never use the stuff myself..the urge..i know it is hard..but i always say this to myself whenever the 'satanic urge'(that's what i called it~~because it try to destroy my soul and it certainly came from satan) to take heroin comes "Do you want to die or do you want to live? Dont live but dead! Die or live!"
By asking this to myself again and again, i start digging inside of me and hey, the answer is, i want to live! i am too afraid to die because i don't know where will i go after that? hell? certainly--especially if i die from taking heroin--so no--i want to live! How do you manage to live then ? First, by starting to love yourself..so i always say to myself..yes..pathetically i don't love myself all these years that's why i am destructing my own body with drugs. Now i have to learn to love myself, that way, i enjoy wearing face masks, body lotion, perfume, do exercise to make my body look good, eat vitamins and calcium, eat vitamin C A LOT, eat normally, wear make up, shopping...etc and slowly...hey...i start to enjoy my life! It's good!

So whenever i look back i am afraid of my addiction,but its funny though, I KNOW that H is destructive, and may even kill me, but even now that 'satanic urge' still always come every now and then. Like a TEST. Sometimes it will last up to 2 days or 3 days, i just have to make myself busy or go out and do the most thing i like, computer game hunting or shopping.Doesn't have to buy expensive clothes or bags! I can just go to DVD shop and spend 2 hours inside until that satanic urge slowly decreases...

The key to success in lowering down your urge is YOU YOURSELF and your brain. If you focus and concentrate on one thing, for example, a burglar came into your house suddenly when u have the urge to buy H, of course you will forget about buying H for a minute and take care of this burglar, your mind is so focused on him that you forgot everything else and your adrenalin goes high because you feel excited.

What in the world that can alter my mind and make me feel good? Computer game hunting, DVD hunting and shopping. How about you ? Every people is different. But if you get what i mean, in here, what i am trying to say is, how you 'trick' your brain. So that it wont keep on telling you : i want to buy H i want to buy H i want to buy H i want to buy H

Find your own way and experiment with it! Don't let your brain control your soul! But do it the other way around

:) CHEERS hope this help

[ladywolf]

Thanks for the sweet support !!
I will continue to post here whenever my meth is decreased :D

[General Lighting]

fair play to you, good to see you back on here in better circumstances

I've been wondering though - did you find it emotionally harder with the "family presures" because of being Asian? As our families always want us to study hard and do well in life etc (particularly if you have any Chinese ancestry there is the "kiasu" element) - they mean well but can be overbearing sometimes, and drugs/partying become an escape, and also rebellion against study etc - so when addiction/problematic use means they say "I told you so" etc..

but at least you seem to be coming through this on the other side..

[redneck]

nice one ladywolf.
I never got into smack but I did enough opium to understand how it gets a hold of you.
ive also spent years trying to give up smoking, both fags and hash.
nothing's easy to give up, basically because you're using these things to fill a gap in your life.

[MrAHC]

Are you trying to tell me that you relapse on Heroin recently (gear) ?
But whatever you are smoking...0.8g a day IS A LOT! it is more than 0.5gram already!

Please stop..i know i can't be naive like as if i never use the stuff myself..the urge..i know it is hard..but i always say this to myself whenever the 'satanic urge'(that's what i called it~~because it try to destroy my soul and it certainly came from satan) to take heroin comes "Do you want to die or do you want to live? Dont live but dead! Die or live!"
By asking this to myself again and again, i start digging inside of me and hey, the answer is, i want to live! i am too afraid to die because i don't know where will i go after that? hell? certainly--especially if i die from taking heroin--so no--i want to live! How do you manage to live then ? First, by starting to love yourself..so i always say to myself..yes..pathetically i don't love myself all these years that's why i am destructing my own body with drugs. Now i have to learn to love myself, that way, i enjoy wearing face masks, body lotion, perfume, do exercise to make my body look good, eat vitamins and calcium, eat vitamin C A LOT, eat normally, wear make up, shopping...etc and slowly...hey...i start to enjoy my life! It's good!

So whenever i look back i am afraid of my addiction,but its funny though, I KNOW that H is destructive, and may even kill me, but even now that 'satanic urge' still always come every now and then. Like a TEST. Sometimes it will last up to 2 days or 3 days, i just have to make myself busy or go out and do the most thing i like, computer game hunting or shopping.Doesn't have to buy expensive clothes or bags! I can just go to DVD shop and spend 2 hours inside until that satanic urge slowly decreases...

The key to success in lowering down your urge is YOU YOURSELF and your brain. If you focus and concentrate on one thing, for example, a burglar came into your house suddenly when u have the urge to buy H, of course you will forget about buying H for a minute and take care of this burglar, your mind is so focused on him that you forgot everything else and your adrenalin goes high because you feel excited.

What in the world that can alter my mind and make me feel good? Computer game hunting, DVD hunting and shopping. How about you ? Every people is different. But if you get what i mean, in here, what i am trying to say is, how you 'trick' your brain. So that it wont keep on telling you : i want to buy H i want to buy H i want to buy H i want to buy H

Find your own way and experiment with it! Don't let your brain control your soul! But do it the other way around

:) CHEERS hope this help
Iev seen how bad it can get this is like thr third relapse i've had but the wierd thing is at the moment its helping block out a few problems. The main being isolation & lonliness due to where i live, I'm stuck in a catch 22 situation 7 the gear is being a prop at the moment. I need to stop bfore it gets much worse, but it wont kill me I know heroin too well we've been on n off partners for 15 years.
If it goes on much longer i'll get nothing done & it dont help my depression non as you walk around being morbid all the time. I need a fairy god mother to come down from heaven n give me a full driving licence so I cab escape.
I know all the ways to stop I've tryed them all in the past and I know what ones work for me. I'm to my doctor on wensday and I'll sort something...


I got my maths wrong with my amount its 0.02 a day

[party on]

well done ladywolf

my gf did a rattle of meth about 5 years ago never had opiates since .just take it a day at a time and dont falter... she tried to reduce her dose but it all went wrong as she did it to fast

just take it slowly bud slow and steady l

so happy for you keep up the good work

party on raaa

[binge]

Well done girl. There's a bright future to look forward to, and all of life is now yours for the taking!

respect.

[General Lighting]

oh when you mentioned DVD shopping it reminded me of this

was gonna post it in jokes section but thought few people here would understand / appreciate it, maybe it might cheer you up a bit...
Dear Ah Beng,

Na beh, now the Malaysians got these dogs who can sniff out illegal DVDs, and it’s affecting not only my business at Holiday Plaza but also thousands of cheapska… I mean, cost conscious Singaporeans who order from me. How lai dat ah?

Ah Kao

the rest is here (there are translations of the words on the right hand side for Westerners)

http://www.talkingcock.com/html/article.php?sid=2228

I think some of my family probably think I am a "Ah Beng" anyway...

[e_babes]

Hey Ladywolf,

We should start a Heroin Free club. Looks like you and I have something to party about.

I think now there are quite a few of us who has kicked the habit now or trying still.

:group_hug

[ladywolf]

fair play to you, good to see you back on here in better circumstances

I've been wondering though - did you find it emotionally harder with the "family presures" because of being Asian? As our families always want us to study hard and do well in life etc (particularly if you have any Chinese ancestry there is the "kiasu" element) - they mean well but can be overbearing sometimes, and drugs/partying become an escape, and also rebellion against study etc - so when addiction/problematic use means they say "I told you so" etc..

but at least you seem to be coming through this on the other side..

Yes, of course. At first it is very hard for my parents to accept my condition. Especially my mom, she really took it badly. And i also heard in some cases, the family even hide their kid and the kid's addiction problem by not letting their kid have proper medications just because they dont want other people to know about it. To save them from embarrassment.
I know it is pathetic. But some people do that.
In my case, though, my parents sent me overseas so that they dont see me doing all that addict stuff in front of them and affecting their business and connections.But after some time, my dad who happens to be in total refusal regarding my condition, start to realize that all i need is love from him and mom, not refusal. Then he start to change and accept me for who i am, and support me as well with constant moral support.
Before, things were much worse, all he knows to do is scolding or hitting me physically. And it doesnt make things any better, only hurting me and hurting him as well. But after times goes by, i am really glad that at last my dad realized that drug addicting is an internal problem, not just because the kid is naughty, but lack of love and attention, meaning it is the parent's fault too.
Then after he realized this, my progress to recovery speeds up, i become more and more human and more and more normal.Whenever i want to relapse i start to think twice because i remember my mom and dad who loves me.Before i got nothing to loose, because i dont love myself or my life, and i dont love my parents or my family.
But now i start to think that i dont want to hurt my dad's feeling because i know he loves me.
Some asian parents or any other parents might not realized that addiction is not personal but family problem.And the whole family needs to jump into the situation and give love and moral support, not scolding, beating, insults, and so on..
The more love, the better the addict will be.That really works for me. When i know that more people love me, especially from my family side, the more i want to quit.Because i am happier.
Friends love, or boyfriend's love cannot replace the love i got from my parents.

[ladywolf]

well done ladywolf

my gf did a rattle of meth about 5 years ago never had opiates since .just take it a day at a time and dont falter... she tried to reduce her dose but it all went wrong as she did it to fast

just take it slowly bud slow and steady l

so happy for you keep up the good work

party on raaa

You are right! My doctor keeps on telling me that i shouldnt lower down my doze too fast.
But being over confident and think that i dont want to drink meth until i am 40 or something, i lower down my doze pretty fast.Then i start to shiver in the morning and the feeling of relapse is so strong.
I ran to the clinic before something bad happens and ask the doctor to give me a doze of 3.5ml again instead of 3.0ml.
The doctor said that i should lower it down slowly and be patient.
What you said is true.
Thanks bro

[ladywolf]

Well done girl. There's a bright future to look forward to, and all of life is now yours for the taking!

respect.

Thanks!
And now i have a steady full time job as well! Next week is my second week on the job. I am teaching art to young children. I really love them all and they love me too. Heheheh!
Life is beautiful. But i still have to watch out because recovery is forever..
That's why heroin is the most evil of all drugs.
Once you taste it, you remember it forever....

[ladywolf]

Hey Ladywolf,

We should start a Heroin Free club. Looks like you and I have something to party about.

I think now there are quite a few of us who has kicked the habit now or trying still.

:group_hug



That's a good idea if it can help a lot of people to quit as well!