Cheating on your partner

[djprocess]

not a good idea. ever. split up with my g/f last week and its properly messed my head up. had to go and stay with my parents for a bit.

now i know being pissed is no excuse, but i swear if alcohol had never been invented i wouldnt make such fucking stupid decisions.

:you_crazy

[DJCliffy]

You okay mate? (Aside from the obvious of course) :love:

[djprocess]

You okay mate? (Aside from the obvious of course) :love: yeah its the whole thing of 'you dont know what you got till its gone' hopefully we are going to sort things out when she gets back from her holiday, but we'll see. Technically we were on a break, not that that makes a difference as it was only a matter of hours. god im a fucking idiot sometimes. who knows it may turn out to be a good thing as we both took each other for granted. and it may make things stronger in the long run. We'd been together just under 3yrs so she's been through a lot of shit with me.

im gutted how much its hurt her though i feel like a right cunt.

:you_crazy

[DJCliffy]

Only advice i can give ya mate is just to talk to ur girl when she gets back and see if ur relationship can be saved. Put the ball in her court so to speak and see what happens. We all make mistakes mate, often hurting the ones we love but thats a part of life and hopefully we can learn from em and better ourselves in the future. Hope it works out for you geezer:love:

[djprocess]

Hope it works out for you geezer:love:
cheers mate.

[DaftFader]

yeh like cliff siad man .. ok "you fucked up" ... shit fucking happens m8 ... get a hold of your fucking self .. with a tight grip ... shake untill desired effect ... and next time you will know better :wink:

[Tank Girl]

now i know being pissed is no excuse, but i swear if alcohol had never been invented i wouldnt make such fucking stupid decisions.:you_crazy

I guess you been pissed over the last 3 years you been with her and not been unfaithful?

so what was different this time?

we only do things (pissed or sober) for a reason - find out what that was and your closer to the answer of how to (if you both still want to ) fix your relationship.......
usually there is something lacking - in yourself or your relationship that was fulfilled.... if only momentarily

its shit and it happened - but if you get back together you both have to accept its in the past as guilt and resnetment can really fester and eat people up on the inside.....

good luck mate :group_hug

[Angel]

feel like a right cunt.:you_crazy

Sorry , but

Good..You should

[Digital-A]

i split up with my girlfriend just the other week ... had known her for seven years which when your 19 is rather a lot :)

basically mate, things happen and mistakes are made ... conclusion i came to was that you have to learn from it ... however rubbish you feel it does get better ...

... just dont fall back onto seeing the bottom of a bottle or an empty wrap ...

pm if ya wanna chat aboot it kiddo ::)

d>a

[spark]

I know it sucks right now... but everything happens for a reason.

Just be careful of trying to revive something because it feels secure and in your comfort zone. Its easy at this point to go aaargggggghhhhh I made the wrong choice!!!!!! remember you were on a break for a reason I presume????

Breaking up no matter what the circumstances suck and it can hurt like hell for a long time.

I dont know how old you are... but maybe a while being single and thinking only about you might be good for a bit.
Every choice you make opens up new doors and opportunities.

a cliche i know... but I live by this...

I would rather be single and happy than in a realtionship and miserable.

Let it all run its course. Whatever is meant to be will be!

Good luck mate and I hope you feel a bit better about it all soon.

[lilmstrixta]

just out of curiosity did you tell her or did she find out?

[General Lighting]

people claim alcohol "makes them do stuff" but I'm not so sure

many of the bad things I've done in life I've done stone cold sober and I knew exactly what I was doing (actually drugs and even alcohol often makes me a more peaceful and tolerant person)

all alcohol may do is release anger/mistrust that was already there anyway..

if you were already on a "break" then something was going a bit wrong to start with and only time will tell what will happen...

[djprocess]

just out of curiosity did you tell her or did she find out?
she found out - not the best. fucking brained me round the head with a wine bottle and almost kneecapped me with it too, but i guess i deserved that.
we were on a break cause we were taking each other for granted and having loads of abusive arguments every couple of weeks. so after giving it about 10 final chances we had one more argument, then i put an end to it cause i was sick of the arguing.
im not saying the alcohol made me do it, cause that is no excuse. i did it cause i was pissed off and gutted we had finally split up, but if i hadnt of been pissed maybe i would have waited a little longer than a day and thought about her feelings a bit more if she found out. cause i didnt think about her feelings at all just my own.
The feeling now that im losing her is making me remember all the good things we had and making me regret it even more than i do already.
Fuck knows how this will pan out its on a knife edge at the moment.

[Raj]

Tough place - sounds like the relationship had already gone south though?

:group_hug

[djprocess]

just found out she's took a load of jonnys out of 'our' draw on holiday with her! Now before she went away she was making out that i had a lot of grovelling to do, taking her out and generally making up etc i was gonna buy her a ring, book festival tickets and a holiday for us cause i just got some tax rebate. now im not so sure i want to bother if she's just gonna be shagging about while shes on holiday.

i know i pretty much did the same thing. but i split up with her and the next day went and slept with someone, i didnt do it to hurt her, she just got hurt when she found out, which was my fault but i didnt set out to hurt her. if that makes any sense. but im not being a fucking mug if shes just setting out to hurt me and it looks like shes sent a pretty clear message by taking those jonnys.

ive half a mind to ring her up and have a go at her, but im fully aware i havent really got a leg to stand on. WTF?!

[lilmstrixta]

has she gone on hols with her mates hun cause you never know they might be for her mates, try not to go jumping to conclusions i think you should call and talk to her.

[djprocess]

has she gone on hols with her mates hun cause you never know they might be for her mates, try not to go jumping to conclusions i think you should call and talk to her.
im pretty sure they are for her, but im gonna try and call her later when im not so pissed off. :you_crazy

[lilmstrixta]

awww hun i feel for you i know you did wrong but you were trying to make it up to her, like you said calm down n give her a ring, you never know she might just be playing mind games n want you to think she is going to do that.
Then again like you said she might be intending to noone knows but her.

[DaftFader]

sry if my last post was a bit agressive m8 .. didn't mean for it to sound that way ..but reading back over it i looks that way .. all i ment by it is that you need to take it as a learning curve .. we all make mistakes you just have to get the best out of what happened and learn from it and put the nessasary barriers up for your self not to make the same mistake again and in order to salvage what you can if that is your want .... hope you can cope with everything and manage to find a way to deal with your pain as soon as you can ... i have made the exact same misstake in my life b4 so i know how you feel man .. you just need to not beat your self up too much about it.. cos we are all human and all make mistakes some times ...:group_hug

[djprocess]

... just dont fall back onto seeing the bottom of a bottle or an empty wrap ...

pm if ya wanna chat aboot it kiddo ::)

d>a

how about seeing a empty rap through the bottom of a empty bottle?:crazy:

before this relationship i split up with my other long term g/f of 7yrs who id known since i was about 16. she fucked off to OZ and i didnt want to go with her so that was pretty tough too.
are realtionships really worth all the trouble, heartache and grief?









Probably.:hopeless:

[djprocess]

sry if my last post was a bit agressive m8 .. didn't mean for it to sound that way ..but reading back over it i looks that way .. all i ment by it is that you need to take it as a learning curve .. we all make mistakes you just have to get the best out of what happened and learn from it and put the nessasary barriers up for your self not to make the same mistake again and in order to salvage what you can if that is your want .... hope you can cope with everything and manage to find a way to deal with your pain as soon as you can ... i have made the exact same misstake in my life b4 so i know how you feel man .. you just need to not beat your self up too much about it.. cos we are all human and all make mistakes some times ...:group_hug
no worries. im gratefull for any advice.

[lilmstrixta]

yea i'd say they were worth it you just need to find the right one lol

[Tank Girl]

obviously things were going wrong to necessitate a break?

Maybe it was more then 'just taking each other for granted'?

Maybe it has reached its end ? and neither of you want to admit it?

As I said things must be going wrong as I'm sure you've been pissed before and not slept with someone else - and if she intends to .........

If you are both seriously wanting to get back together make sure you communucate and get back for the right reasons!

relationships are worth it - but only if your in the right one IMO

[DJCliffy]

relationships are worth it - but only if your in the right one IMO

Ain't that the truth! Cos if they ain't then they can fuck right off!! :crazy_dru

[MrAHC]

yea i'd say they were worth it you just need to find the right one lol
i've only had 1 or 2 and i'm well over 30 :cry:

[Raj]

how about seeing a empty rap through the bottom of a empty bottle?:crazy:

before this relationship i split up with my other long term g/f of 7yrs who id known since i was about 16. she fucked off to OZ and i didnt want to go with her so that was pretty tough too.
are realtionships really worth all the trouble, heartache and grief?









Probably.:hopeless:


Could I suggest you take a deep breath, count to about 10,000 and relax?

You sound to me like what you need to do is stop and think about your relationships and what did and didnt work out for you about them. Rebounding into another relationship wont help you out much in my experience of relationships...

You need to dump the baggage you have from the long term gf who left you to go to oz and this more recent one before you get involved in another one. Otherwise you will be reacting to hurts from previous relationships in the next one [dont know if this makes any sense?]

Good relationships take a lot of work and require trust to survive IMO. I wouldnt go back with a person I had cheated on [whether or not they found out] as I wouldnt cheat on someone I love so if I cheated I obviously had no respect for the person on whom I cheated. [fuzzy logic ;)]

[djprocess]

You sound to me like what you need to do is stop and think about your relationships and what did and didnt work out for you about them. Rebounding into another relationship wont help you out much in my experience of relationships...

You need to dump the baggage you have from the long term gf who left you to go to oz and this more recent one before you get involved in another one. Otherwise you will be reacting to hurts from previous relationships in the next one [dont know if this makes any sense?]

Good relationships take a lot of work and require trust to survive IMO.
good advice raj. i know what your saying. i know its not good to go from one relationship to the next as you never have time to work out what you really want. its hard tho when you meet someone you really like not to get into a realtionship with them, i find anyway.

Back to the saga anyway...

technically i didnt cheat on her, just shagged someone as soon as we split up (i know thats not much better or different). she then wanted to get back with me before she found out, i felt bad about what i had done so said we should at least have a break, she then found out about what i had done and went skitz and smashed me round the head with a wine bottle

:blackeye:

ive spoke to her tonight and we are gonna try and work things out when she gets back from holiday in about a week.

i do love and respect her, i was just pissed off that our relationship had finally got down to us splitting up after so many last chances that i think i wanted to draw a line under it by going with someone else. i never even looked at anyone else when we were going out.

I think we've both realised that we took each other for granted as we both live together and thats maybe why we had been having so many arguments. she's also stressed with uni, money worries etc and just possibly ive been a bit slack too...

From what shes said we're gonna work at it when she gets back. ive got serious making up to do and she sounds like she is really sorry about being a total bitch to me in the past and seems to be admiting her share of the blame for us splitting up (not for me sleeping with someone else obviously as that one was all my own stupid fault) she also sounds quite sorry about giving me a battering.

I know this is the final chance at this relationship and i do really love her so hopefully...

now all together!

:sign0004::sign0004::sign0004::sign0004::sign0004: :sign0004::sign0004::sign0004::sign0004:

thanks for the advice everyone tho :love: it has actually helped being able to talk about it. its easier sometimes talking to strangers rather than people that actually know you or the other person.

[DaftFader]

glad that it seems like it's going better now m8 .. hope it carries on that way for ya :bounce_fl

[spark]

Thre are a couple of things that sorta worry me about what you have indicated what your relationship used to be like...

The relationship isnt worth saving if you both are into a pattern of lashing out physically and with mind games... get out now and thank yourself lucky.

Its hard to break patterns like this if they get established into a relationship.. if she is hitting you, then thats not ok, same for the other way around... doesnt matter how pissed off or angry anyone is.. its just not good. No one ever deserves it!

Also people who "play games" shit me.

You derserve someone who is not going to give you a mind fuck everytime they go out... playing on jealousies and making you wonder whats happening..no emotional blackmail, no games.

Dont be afraid to go it alone for a wee bit and see if you feel the same in a week or two...

Dont be afraid to step out of the comfort zone.

I really hope everything works out for you. If you two do decide to get back together... remember you cant do all the changes yourself.. it has to be a partnership with equal committment to making it work for the better!

Hang in there!

[djprocess]

Thre are a couple of things that sorta worry me about what you have indicated what your relationship used to be like...

The relationship isnt worth saving if you both are into a pattern of lashing out physically and with mind games... get out now and thank yourself lucky.

Its hard to break patterns like this if they get established into a relationship.. if she is hitting you, then thats not ok, same for the other way around... doesnt matter how pissed off or angry anyone is.. its just not good. No one ever deserves it!

Also people who "play games" shit me.
You derserve someone who is not going to give you a mind fuck everytime they go out... playing on jealousies and making you wonder whats happening..no emotional blackmail, no games.

Dont be afraid to go it alone for a wee bit and see if you feel the same in a week or two...

Dont be afraid to step out of the comfort zone.

I really hope everything works out for you. If you two do decide to get back together... remember you cant do all the changes yourself.. it has to be a partnership with equal committment to making it work for the better!

Hang in there! ive never hit her or ever raised my hand and i never would, i hate that sort of stuff. she has just got a proper temper on her where as im quite chilled and when its all kicking off im always the one saying lets calm down this isnt getting us anywhere. lets leave it and talk about it later etc etc. Im gonna have a proper talk when she gets back from holiday, trouble is we live together so its not as easy as just walking away and i dont want to. but i obviously did other wise we wouldnt keep having breaks etc. basically if nothing changes after all this shit then i think we are both prepared to call it a day. you've gotta try tho havent you :hopeless:.

i just want an easy life with out any arguments i dont think thats to much to ask.

ive some how managed to turn this that shes the one in the wrong i dont know how.

hopefully what happened will make us both realise what we are doing wrong. if its still the same then it obviously aint gonna work no matter what we do.

thanks for lending an ear :love:

[spark]

Good luck! You really sound like you have a mature attitude and I'm glad to hear you are calm.. I know it can be hard when someone is going off...

One thing I have learned is that its really hard for someone else to keep being angry when the other person is really calm and not biting back...

Crossing all my fingers and toes for ya that you get things sorted to where you hope they can be.

[Digital-A]

how about seeing a empty rap through the bottom of a empty bottle?:crazy:

:yakk: ... messy

before this relationship i split up with my other long term g/f of 7yrs who id known since i was about 16. she fucked off to OZ and i didnt want to go with her so that was pretty tough too.
are realtionships really worth all the trouble, heartache and grief?



Probably.:hopeless:


they are mate ... as hard as it was to break up with my girlfriend she was one of the best things that ever happened to me and we shared some of my most treasured memories ...

life goes on ...

[quietRIOT]

she then found out about what i had done and went skitz and smashed me round the head with a wine bottle:blackeye::ouch

sounds like a nice girl:crazy_dru

[MrAHC]

My ex cheated on me so this happend:laugh_at:


http://www.ushmm.org/uia-cgi/uia_doc/query/6?uf=uia_kYTnIY
(http://www.ushmm.org/uia-cgi/uia_doc/query/9?uf=uia_klxDaD)

[djprocess]

she then found out about what i had done and went skitz and smashed me round the head with a wine bottle:blackeye::ouch

sounds like a nice girl:crazy_dru
she's like jeykell and hyde. Really nice and loving and then really nasty. Its a fucking nightmare TBH. It really messes your emotions about. Hopefully we'll sort something out.

[*¬*]

well you shouldn't really cheat on your partner. it serves you right for being such a cunt to her. at least you seem to have a conscience tho :-/

[djprocess]

well you shouldn't really cheat on your partner. it serves you right for being such a cunt to her. at least you seem to have a conscience tho :-/

read the whole thread then comment.
Maybe i should change the title of the thread to "splitting up with your long term partner, then shagging someone else the next day to draw a line under it and her finding out and bottling you". Doesnt quite have the same ring tho.:wink:

[*¬*]

read the whole thread then comment.
Maybe i should change the title of the thread to "splitting up with your long term partner, then shagging someone else the next day to draw a line under it and her finding out and bottling you". Doesnt quite have the same ring tho.:wink:ah, see? i was mislead.

however isn't it a bit soon to be sleeping with other people? if i truely loved someone, i'd certainly not shag someone else as soon as we broke up. i'd have spent the night crying with my best girlfriend into a couple bottles of wine

[djprocess]

ah, see? i was mislead.

however isn't it a bit soon to be sleeping with other people? if i truely loved someone, i'd certainly not shag someone else as soon as we broke up. i'd have spent the night crying with my best girlfriend into a couple bottles of wine
horses for courses. TBF it just made things worse in my own head anyway and didnt help me in the slightest bit and that was before she found out.

[djprocess]

Right it turns out that after the call i got from her on holiday where she said she wanted to sort things out when she got back. She went and fucked this guy she's met. She didnt tell me this till about a month ago. Im so pissed off i thought i actually wanted to get back with her. Then on my birthday weekend, i found our from my mates that she had fucked one of our mutual friends before she went away on this holiday and before i split up with her and slept with that girl. i cant belive she has been such a hypocrite calling me a cheat etc when she had slept with one of our mates. At least i know her for what she is now. cant belive it. she's moved down to nottingham now, i do feel a bit gutted cause we were getting on really well when we'd both decided to make a fresh go of things. oh well.

[Sini]

Right it turns out that after the call i got from her on holiday where she said she wanted to sort things out when she got back. She went and fucked this guy she's met. She didnt tell me this till about a month ago. Im so pissed off i thought i actually wanted to get back with her. Then on my birthday weekend, i found our from my mates that she had fucked one of our mutual friends before she went away on this holiday and before i split up with her and slept with that girl. i cant belive she has been such a hypocrite calling me a cheat etc when she had slept with one of our mates. At least i know her for what she is now. cant belive it. she's moved down to nottingham now, i do feel a bit gutted cause we were getting on really well when we'd both decided to make a fresh go of things. oh well.

:group_hug
Sorry to hear that hun but hey, potential new girl on the horizon.

[djprocess]

:group_hug
Sorry to hear that hun but hey, potential new girl on the horizon.

yeah ive got to be carefull tho i dont want it to get too heavy too quick cause ive only just split up with my ex about 1 or 2months ago. Its hard tho when you first start to see someone not to want to se them all the time tho. fingers crossed.

[Sini]

yeah ive got to be carefull tho i dont want it to get too heavy too quick cause ive only just split up with my ex about 1 or 2months ago. Its hard tho when you first start to see someone not to want to se them all the time tho. fingers crossed.

Yeah i know what you mean but it'll do you right to take it slow, keep it chilled and shit, afterall you're not in any rush.
fingers crossed also ^_^

[spark]

Hey hey dj process... I logged back in especially for you after reading what had happened with you and your girlfriend.

That really sucks and you must have felt really angry and let down.. not to mention the guilt you had been carrying!

So just a quick hi and I hope that everything starts to work out for you in a more positive way.
It's really true when they say that when one door closes there are new and more opportunites through another! (and i'm not just talking about the girl front.. )
Enjoy the adventure of a new beginning!
:bounce_fl

[djprocess]

Hey hey dj process... I logged back in especially for you after reading what had happened with you and your girlfriend.

That really sucks and you must have felt really angry and let down.. not to mention the guilt you had been carrying!

So just a quick hi and I hope that everything starts to work out for you in a more positive way.
It's really true when they say that when one door closes there are new and more opportunites through another! (and i'm not just talking about the girl front.. )
Enjoy the adventure of a new beginning!
:bounce_fl

cheers spark, im looking at it positivly, there was obviously quite a bit wrong with that relationship so im quite glad that ive got out of it to be honest. cause it could have just carried on going round in circles for years as neithier of us really had the heart to totally split up with the other person. Now this has happened i hope we can both have a sort of clean break. Hopefully we can stay friends. Ill hold a grudge for a bit, but there is no point in holding resentment against someone for ever, lifes too short.