My best friend ...

[quietRIOT]

and i have had a bust up...an im cut up about it ..but things have been said that have been a long time coming ...i dont know what to do now ..i feel bad in a way ...

ive known her for years an years but all she ever does is moan on an on about her life ...her troubles ..how shit everything is ...she is sooo negative ..sometimes i let a week go by without seeing her cos i know she ll jus be moaning an depressed, she is stunning to look at an underneath is a lovely gentle person .....i think shes a manic depressant ..but she wont take anything for it ..like prozac..or st johns wort...shes in a unhappy relaitionship has been for 6 yr ..but darent let go ...dunno why, he man runs about after her like a idiot ...i m going thru a divorce ,a job change, soon to be having to sell my house,i ve fell out with my family,my son is a rebelious teen all this stuff..an she never listens ..if i say anything shes got it worse an bigger an in technicolour....i feel like shakin her ..cos shes got nothing wrong in her life...

the other nite she went too far she was slagging me off...i just told her what i thought that she was selfish an never listens, she is mardy,moody,self obsorbed ..an she brings me down .....lol...i know sounds harsh but ive had it ......am i wrong to do that ...should i just not contact her again ...surely friends should be able to have argument s ....might make her think ....tho to be honest i doubt it ...she will be vexed with me...oh i dont know ...:cry: :crazy_dru

[Tank Girl]

good for you for expressing your emotions ! that takes guts!

If she is a real friend she may think about what you said and realise some or all of it is true....

If not she really is too self obsessed and you sound like you need to spend time and effort and your energy conserntrating on your own needs-

it can be very hard to put yourself first but sometimes its needed-


also if she is unhappy / depressed - she needs to take responsibility for her self and sometimes people like being in situations where ' they then 'cant' make decisions' when by doing nothing they are choosing to stay there.... bad english but hope you get what I'm saying :love:

[quietRIOT]

yeah ..so true ..i think she enjoys being down ......i just feel i shouldnt be the one to say sorry...everyone bows to her ...he boyfriend is pathetic ...:crazy_dru

[Raj]

Then dont - stand up for your principles
Its up to you how you deal with it - you can either return to the status quo or change the balance of the relationship.

Sounds like she is very happy in her poor little me rut - it works for her because you play the game. If you refuse to play the game anymore she will escalate the threat level to try and enforce your compliance in returning to the game. If you refuse to play her games either she will get over it or you will realise you are better off without her - either way you will be able to move on :wink:
Sounds to me like you have gotten to the point where you are ready for moving on anyway :flowers:

Remember: you can choose your friends :wink:

[globalloon]

maybe you should tell her about that polish guy who came out of a coma after 20 years this week to find communism had come to an end

in an interview he said "before, there was only vinegar in the shops, now there's so much to choose from, my mind boggles. people are walking around with mobile phones, but they are moaning. i have nothing to complain about"

raaa

[quietRIOT]

i know, thing is shes my only old friend from around where i live ..i lost touch with alot of old friends they got wed moved away ..or the rest ..i stopped seeing when i stopped smoking blow years ago...i kinda only had my husband ....i have made new mates to go out with but friends around me ..i have noone. i feel:cry: but i canna do with her tho...and my family ive fell out with ...:yakk:

[tarifa]

friends are people whose good points outweigh their bad points (for however long that may be)

none of us is perfect and people often don't realise they're pissing us off until we tell them.

figure out what the exact trigger for this bust-up was and why have you been friends, it can't have been all bad, if you can normally cope with her, as she is warts and all, what's changed with you and why?

this may be just the thing you guys need to level up the relationship, if not then commiserations, it's horrible losing a friend, like losing a partner but with less understanding from other friends but you're not alone, its happened to all of us :group_hug