The "blonde jokes" thread

[Angel]

Well i'm blond so I dare to poste these!

Shortage of parachutes
A blonde, a brunette, a movie star, the pope, and a pilot were on a plane.

The plane was going down fast, and there were only four parachutes for all five of them.

The pilot took one and jumped, then the movie star took one and jumped, and then the blonde took one and jumped.

The pope told the brunette to take the last one.

The brunette said, "There are still 2 parachutes left! The blonde took my backpack!"



Add your own!

["Sound-Guy"]

A blonde sat at home doing a jigsaw turns to her husband and says "can you help me dear its supposed to be a tiger!"
He sighs and says "put the frosties back in the box luv"

[Shit Robot]

:laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at:

[stax]

:laugh_at: :laugh_at: :laugh_at: :cry:
hahahaha nice1

[raverbaby]

3 blondes are walking throught the woods when they come across a set of tracks. The first blonde turns to the others and says oh i know these they're rabbit tracks. The second blonde disagrees and states that they are clearly badger tracks. and the third turns and says that they're deer tracks. During the long winded dispute, the 10:30 freight train to london hits and instantly kills all 3 of them.:crazy_diz

[Angel]

Blonde Car Accident

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

["Sound-Guy"]

Q:What do blondes put behind there ears to attract men?

A:Their legs

["Sound-Guy"]

Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to sparkle?


A: Shine a light in her ear

["Sound-Guy"]

Q: Why did the blonde cross the road??


A: Never mind that, what was she doing out of the bedroom






HeHe

[Angel]

I can't breathe without that

A blonde goes into the beauty and hair parlor with her walkman on her head.

"I need to take that walkman off your head," says the beauty specialist as she notices the blonde.

"You can't! I'll die!" retorts the blonde.

"I can't cut your hair with the walkman on your ears!" says the beauty specialist getting annoyed.

"I said you can't take it off, or I'll die!"

The beauty specialist, outraged and flustered, grabs the walkman and throws it off the head of the blonde. Within seconds, the blonde dies. When the specialist picks up the walkman to listen, she hears it repeating "breath in, breath out, breath in".

[Shit Robot]

:laugh_at:

["Sound-Guy"]

LMAO angel, nice 1



Q: Whats the advantage of being married to a blonde??


A: You can park in the disabled zone





Q: What does a blonde call a mushroom with a 9 inch stalk??


A: A funghi to be with

[Shit Robot]

What do you call a Blonde with two Braincells?

.................................................. ...................Pregnant!

[Shit Robot]

A Blonde and a Brunnette are walking in the park when the Brunnette says "Awww! look at the dead birdie" The blonde looks up and says "where!"

[Raj]

There were three women, a Brunette, a Red Head, and a Blonde. They all worked together at an office.

Every day they noticed that their boss left work a little early. So one day they met together and decided that today when the boss left, they would all leave early too.

The boss left and so did they. The Brunette went home and straight to bed so could get an early start the next morning. The Red Head went home to get in a quick work out before her dinner date. The Blonde went home and walked into the bedroom. She opens the door slowly and saw her husband in bed with her boss, so she shut the door and left.

The next day, the Brunette and the Red Head are talking about going home early again. They ask the Blonde if she wants to leave early again.
"No," she says, "yesterday I nearly got caught!"

[Raj]

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket trolley?
A: The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.

:groucho: :groucho: :groucho:

[Raj]

How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

They don't, they screw in Ford Cortinas :weee:

[Angel]

:laugh_at: :laugh_at: :laugh_at:



Helping a blond lose weight

A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.

"I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds."

When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"

The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" said the doctor.

"No, from skipping," replied the blonde.

[Raj]

Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.

:laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at:

[Raj]

Q: What do you call it when a blonde dyes their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence :groucho:

[Raj]

Q: How do you tell if a bleached blonde did your landscaping?
A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the garden....

[Angel]

A blonde made several attempts to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems finding a buyer because the car had 340,000 miles on it. She discussed her problem with a brunette that she worked with at a bar.

The brunette suggested, "There may be a chance to sell that car easier, but it's not going to be legal."

"That doesn't matter at all," replied the blonde. "All that matters it that I am able to sell this car."

"Alright," replied the brunette. In a quiet voice, she told the blonde: "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop around here. Tell him I sent you, and he will turn the counter back on your car to 40,000 miles. Then it shouldn't be a problem to sell your car."

The following weekend, the blonde took a trip to the mechanic on the brunette's advice.

About one month after that, the brunette saw the blonde and asked, "Did you sell your car?"

"No!" replied the blonde. "Why should I? It only has 40,000 miles on it."

[Raj]

:laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at:

[stax]

why was the blonde woman staring at an carton of juice?

because it said CONCENTRATE

[665]

How does a blonde switch off the light after making love?


She shuts the car's door...

[Angel]

:biggreen:

[Angel]

http://www.ahajokes.com/cartoon/printer1.jpg

[Raj]

RATFLMAO :laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at:

[n.r.g]

2 guys are talkin in d pud one says what ur fav sex position and the other guys says u tell firist ok says the firist one mines the rodeo whats that ? says the second guy well says the firist guy its a bit like doggy cept u wisper in her ear ur sister likes it like this too then see if u can hang on for 8 seconds lol

["Sound-Guy"]

:lol_up:

[terz_06]

lol u lot make me laf blonds aint that bad we myt b dumb but fukin ell lol well talk soon ppl lv terz x x

[baby]

im blonde thx any jokes bout burenettes
:groucho:

[Angel]

I'm blond too :laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at:

:groucho:

[665]

Strangely,Angel,I think I new that before you told....


raaa

[Angel]

Am I that bad :hopeless::hopeless:

[665]

:groucho:

Hope you understand I was joking...By the way,are the blonde jokes popular in Denmark,where I think they are a majority of blondes?

[Angel]

We have a lot of blondes here..

But if we can't laugh at ourself,Denmark would be a sad place :groucho:

I love blonde jokes :weee:

Do you have any ??

[665]

Two blondes are in their Mini Cooper,driving into the countryside,when they see two other blondes trying to row,their boat in the middle of a field...

One the driving blondes:

_It's because of this kind of stupid girls,that everybody is laughing about blondes........

......If I knew how to swim,I would slap them!!!!




(excuse me for the english,but translating jokes is an hard exercise...hope you understand(and laugh))

[Shit Robot]

There was once a magic mirroe,that if you stood in front of it and told the truth would grant you one wish,however if you told a lie "Whoosh" the mirror would swallow you up never to be seen again,A red head of moderate looks stood in front of the mirror and said "I think I am the most beautifull woman in the world" WHOOSH! the mirror swallowed her up.a day later a rather overweight Brunnette stands in front of the mirror and says "i think I am nicely slim" WHOOSH! the mirror swallows her up,the next day a Blonde stands in front of the Mirror and says "I think... WHOOSH!

[Shit Robot]

(excuse me for the english,but translating jokes is an hard exercise...hope you understand(and laugh))

I do and I am:laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at:

[Angel]

Great jokes guys

:laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at:

[Shit Robot]

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, and all in the name of humor!" The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little shit on your knee."

[Angel]

Good one :laugh_at: :laugh_at:

................................................

The blonde test taker

A blonde reports for her university final exam which consists of mainly true and false questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet: true for heads and false for tails. Within thirty minutes she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still working furiously.

During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is happening.

"I finished the exam in a half hour," she replies. "Now I'm rechecking my answers."

[665]

:laugh_at: :laugh_at: :laugh_at: :laugh_at: :laugh_at:

Good to laugh so much!!!!!The ventriloquist one is one of the best I've ever heard.....

[Shit Robot]

:weee::weee: