Too HOT for TV

[the1log]

Two circles are in the pub, one turns and says to the other, "you're round."

[General Lighting]

groan

[monkey monkey]

Genius.

1 liner pub jokes are the best.

[Dr Bunsen]

That was bad! :)

[BioTech]

Ok, here we go:

A man walks in to a bar.....






"Ow!"

[BioTech]

Did you hear about the Irish tapdancer?





He fell in the sink.

[BioTech]

Why is 6 scared of 7?


Because 7, 8 , 9!

[BioTech]

What did the 0 say to the 8?










"Hey, nice belt!"

[the1log]

Yes I knew people would see the light some day!

[BigAndy]

What did the 0 say to the 8?


"Hey, nice belt!"

tee-hee.


did you hear about to the irish jellyfish?




it set.

[stax]

whats the hottest letter in the alphabet.......................................... .




B because........................................... ........................................


it makes OIL BOIL :surprised

[Angel]

This thread is actually starting to be funny :bigsmile:

[PHARTY]

Ok, here we go:

A man walks in to a bar.....






"Ow!":bounce_o: I like it!

[Dr Bunsen]

whats the hottest letter in the alphabet.......................................... .




B because........................................... ........................................


it makes OIL BOIL :surprised

:bigsmile:

[Dr Bunsen]

What time do the chinese go to the dentist?

Tooth hurty!

[the1log]

BUMP!
* the1log sniggers

[benbear]

:laugh_at: :laugh_at: :laugh_at: :laugh_at:
Nice joke Dr
LOL

[the1log]

Bump!

[ronnyrarr]

wats long green and smells of BACON!





kermits middle finger:crazy:

[Holeydel]

Two blind men walk into a wall




that's the joke by the way

[timid rabbit]

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
~ When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

[timid rabbit]

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?










~ The dog of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

[starlaugh]

What do you call someone who used to like tractors?









An ex-tractor fan.

:weee:

[the1log]

What did the sea say to the ship???




Nothing it just waved:weee:

[ogga]

An englishman, an irishman and a scotsman all walk into a bar.




...And the barman goes "What is this? Some kind of joke?!"
:weee:

[the1log]

(http://www.partyvibe.com/vbulletin/member.php?u=8944)665 (http://www.partyvibe.com/vbulletin/member.php?u=8944), Angel (http://www.partyvibe.com/vbulletin/member.php?u=6915), BigAndy (http://www.partyvibe.com/vbulletin/member.php?u=7534), Dr Bunsen (http://www.partyvibe.com/vbulletin/member.php?u=1), FreaK_AudiO (http://www.partyvibe.com/vbulletin/member.php?u=10322), Meltown (http://www.partyvibe.com/vbulletin/member.php?u=7305), n.r.g (http://www.partyvibe.com/vbulletin/member.php?u=1625), noname (http://www.partyvibe.com/vbulletin/member.php?u=5933), PaulM (http://www.partyvibe.com/vbulletin/member.php?u=2991), Raj (http://www.partyvibe.com/vbulletin/member.php?u=6474), raverbaby (http://www.partyvibe.com/vbulletin/member.php?u=6367), scot (http://www.partyvibe.com/vbulletin/member.php?u=13598), sulei (http://www.partyvibe.com/vbulletin/member.php?u=6247), Tek Offensive (http://www.partyvibe.com/vbulletin/member.php?u=5689), timid rabbit (http://www.partyvibe.com/vbulletin/member.php?u=13923), USE (http://www.partyvibe.com/vbulletin/member.php?u=3359)


Wouldn't know a good joke if it jumped up and bit them in the eye


YOUR ROUND:laugh_at:raaa

[Raj]

:razz:

Maybe not but I know a really bad one when I see it :wink:

Two parrots were sitting on a perch.

One said to the other, "It smells fishy around here."



Ouch :groucho:

[the1log]

"Sound-Guy" (http://www.partyvibe.com/vbulletin/member.php?u=6754), benbear (http://www.partyvibe.com/vbulletin/member.php?u=6923), boothie13 (http://www.partyvibe.com/vbulletin/member.php?u=14160), cheeseweasel (http://www.partyvibe.com/vbulletin/member.php?u=10804), HARTY (http://www.partyvibe.com/vbulletin/member.php?u=8031), miss bassets (http://www.partyvibe.com/vbulletin/member.php?u=7641), monkey monkey (http://www.partyvibe.com/vbulletin/member.php?u=3325), the1log (http://www.partyvibe.com/vbulletin/member.php?u=5322) are my new budz.


Together we will laugh at my exquisite jokes:laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at::laug h_at::laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at:

[starlaugh]

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah,

I thought "he's trying to pull a fast one"

[priv8green]

An englishman, an irishman and a scotsman all walk into a bar.




...And the barman goes "What is this? Some kind of joke?!"
:weee:

:weee::weee::weee:

[priv8green]

Announcement at a London Airport:





Will the gentleman who left his hearing aid aboard flight 173 from Paris, please call at the information desk.

[Shit Robot]

Whats Brown and Sticky?





A stick

[priv8green]

One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head. The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust. The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer, and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened. The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer, and started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!!"

:weee::weee::weee:

[Shit Robot]

:laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at:

[titch]

Why doesn't a chicken wear pants?


Because his pecker's on his head innit!


.................................................. ............


Why don't they have any toilet paper in KFC?


Because its finger licking good!

:hopeless: :hopeless: :hopeless:

[wilbo15]

what fits nicely between your tits, works better when jerked and fits nicely in a whole?

A seat belt you pervert buckle upraaa

[Raj]

:laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at:

[starlaugh]

My mate's so humourless....the last time he cracked a gag was in an S&M dungeon!

[the1log]

What do you call a man under a pile of leaves?????





Russell

LOL ave that ya bastedsraaa

[Kojak]

What do Michael Jackson and second place have in common?

They both come in a little behind.

[benbear]

"Doctor it hurts everytime I move my finger".




Doctor says " dont do it then "


And these ones I saw on SJ and there sick but funny


WHAT IS A BIG HAMPSTER WIV BIG TEEF CALLED?
A BEEVER


WOT LOOKS LIKE AN APPLE BUT TASTS LIKE SHIT?
A MULDY APPLE


WHY HAVE WIMMIN GOT ARMS?
TO WANK YOU OFF

WHY DO GAYS WERE LEVVER ?
TO LOOK GAY SO YOU NO THAT DER GAY AND THEY WONT TRY AN BUM YOU.

WHAT BLACK AND WITE AND SCREAMS LIKE A CAT?
A CAT WOTS BLACK AND WITE AND IS GETTIN STAMPED ON WIV BIG BOOTS

WOT IS PINK AND IS REELLY REELLY SLOW?














MY MATE SAM`S BABY HAHAH ( HE GOT A SPASTIK BABY LOL! )

[quietRIOT]

haha cOOL jokesraaa :laugh_at:

[the1log]

Stop..... I'm too cool!. I've revived my absolutly pant pissing thread remeber kids this is "Too hot for T.Vraaa

[stax]

chap walks into a bar and orders a pint.

as he is waitng he decides to stick a quid in the fruity.

'oi you ugly fucker' a voice sez.

'oi you piss off' the same voice goes again.

'look I dont like ya, sling ya hook' once more.

a little bemused the man goes back to the bar to collect his pint. as he is drinking he helps himself to some peanuts on the bar.

'hello sexy' a different voice sez.

'I think your great' it goes again.

'your just the best'

starting to get freaked out the man tells the barman about the voices he keeps hearing.

'o don't worry about that' sez the barman 'the fruit machines out of order and the nuts are complimentary'

ba-dum-chish:cry:

[JonnyQuest]

LOL

[Raj]

chap walks into a bar and orders a pint.

as he is waitng he decides to stick a quid in the fruity.

'oi you ugly fucker' a voice sez.

'oi you piss off' the same voice goes again.

'look I dont like ya, sling ya hook' once more.

a little bemused the man goes back to the bar to collect his pint. as he is drinking he helps himself to some peanuts on the bar.

'hello sexy' a different voice sez.

'I think your great' it goes again.

'your just the best'

starting to get freaked out the man tells the barman about the voices he keeps hearing.

'o don't worry about that' sez the barman 'the fruit machines out of order and the nuts are complimentary'

ba-dum-chish:cry:

RATFLMAO :laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at:

[skattyasfuk]

Whats big red and eats rocks?

A big red rock eater!

The magic tractor turned into a field...

[skattyasfuk]

And these ones I saw on SJ and there sick but funny

Q: WHAT IS A BIG HAMPSTER WIV BIG TEEF CALLED?
A: A BEEVER

Q: WOT LOOKS LIKE AN APPLE BUT TASTS LIKE SHIT?
A: A MULDY APPLE

Q: WHY HAVE WIMMIN GOT ARMS?
A: TO WANK YOU OFF

Q: WHY DO GAYS WERE LEVVER ?
A: TO LOOK GAY SO YOU NO THAT DER GAY AND THEY WONT TRY AN BUM YOU.

Q: WHAT BLACK AND WITE AND SCREAMS LIKE A CAT?
A: A CAT WOTS BLACK AND WITE AND IS GETTIN STAMPED ON WIV BIG BOOTS

Q: WOT IS PINK AND IS REELLY REELLY SLOW?
A: MY MATE SAM`S BABY HAHAH ( HE GOT A SPASTIK BABY LOL! )

:you_crazy

Is it just me or are these jokes not remotely funny?

Or was that the joke? I'm confused...

:crazy_diz

[the1log]

It's about time this thread got a bump, thanks for taking care of it for me guys!

[p0ly]

It's about time this thread got a bump, thanks for taking care of it for me guys!

3 pound taking care of fee

[joshd96320]

3 pound taking care of fee

and a box of fabs

[p0ly]

you've got enough fabs you greedy little ***************************

[joshd96320]

i didnt know there were swearwords that long :O

[p0ly]

i was supposed to put spaces but i cba

[the1log]

Come on then lets hear your worst!

[the1log]

What do you call a man under a pile of leafs.......... Russel

[joshd96320]

:laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at:

[the1log]

:laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at:

I'm glad you liked it. I've been working on this thread for years. I want it to be the biggest collection of bad jokes, bigger than. Bob Monkhouse's big red joke book

[joshd96320]

raaa

[the1log]

Bump!

[dollydaydream]

What do you call a Brunette walking with 2
Blondes?

An interperator!!!!!

[dollydaydream]

MEN REALLY DO REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in
their bed.

She puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in
front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the
wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his
coffee.

'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the r oom, 'Why
are you down here at this time of night?'

The husband looks up from his coffee, 'I am just remembering when we
first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you
remember back then?' he says solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so
sensitive.

'Yes, I do' she replies.

The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily.

'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?'

'Yes, I remember!' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside
him.

The husband continues. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'

'I remember that too' she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says...

'I would have been released today.'

xxDDDxx

[joshd96320]

ahahaa :laugh_at:

[dollydaydream]

As u can see i was bored and didnt sleep well last night.................
xxDDDxx

[DaftFader]

Come on then lets hear your worst!
what's brown and comes out of cows?




the isle of white ferry :weee:

[the1log]

what's brown and comes out of cows?




the isle of white ferry :weee:

Now thats too hot for t.v alright. well done guys keep up the bad jokesraaa

[dollydaydream]

The prison warden where Shipman was 'staying' commented that he will be sorely missed, especially by the prison boxing club. He said: "He had a lethal jab".
xxDDDxx
.................................................. ......................

[the1log]

The prison warden where Shipman was 'staying' commented that he will be sorely missed, especially by the prison boxing club. He said: "He had a lethal jab".
xxDDDxx
.................................................. ......................


your good at this babe

[dollydaydream]

They are going to make a film about Harold Shipman starring Robert De Niro. Title: The Old Dear Hunter.



xxDDDxx

[dollydaydream]

The McCartney kids are at the family ranch anxiously awaiting news of their mother. Paul emerges from his wife's bedroom "Kid's.... there's good news and bad news."
"The bad news is your mother's strength and will to live has been sucked away by her awful disease and she died a few moments ago"
"The good news is.... It's steak and chips for dinner!"

Q: What has 4 legs and one arm?
A: A Doberman in a playground

xxDDDxx

[dollydaydream]

Little Zuki has to walk 15 miles every day just to fetch water. Why the fuck doesn't she move?

Ok thats it now im gettin carried away............xxDDDxx