Mid Winter Blues or Depression

[Raj]

I have recently lost a beloved friend to depression [he committed suicide] and it was a huge shock to me and all his other friends.

The not knowing if there was something more we could have done for him has been very hard though especially as not everyone even realised he had a problem [I didnt despite havin spent a lot of time with him at social events] and the people in whom he had confided are struggling with the guilt of the 'what if I had done......?' scenarios.

Depression seems to me to be a subject which could use much more open discussion about it and I am writing this thread in case you or someone you know is depressed and dont know what to do about it.

What is depression?

The symptoms include:

* Disturbed sleep, usually waking early and being unable to get back to sleep
* A general slowing down of thought, speech and movement
* Feelings of anxiety
* Tearfulness for no reason
* Short temper
* Lack of energy and constant exhaustion
* Inability to enjoy things
* Lack of concentration
* Difficulty making decisions
* Feeling that you're forgetful
* Negative thoughts about the future
* Feelings of guilt
* Loss of identity
* Blaming self and low self-esteem
* Feelings of hopelessness and despair
* Unrealistic sense of failure
* Loneliness, even when around others
* Becoming preoccupied with illness
* Loss of appetite and resulting loss of weight
* Reduced desire for sex
* Variation of mood during the day. It's often worse in the morning, improving as the day goes on - but the pattern can be the other way around.

[Depending on the severity of the depression more or less symptoms may be affecting you.]

Depression can be triggered by a wide variety of things: the SAD [seasonal affective depression] is brought on by the lack of light in winter, a relationship breakdown [any family member not just a partner], a change in circumstances [loss of a job, moving], some medical treatments or illnesses, having a baby [post natal depression] and many other things.

The important thing to realise is that if you are depressed you are not the only one and that there is help available out there.

[Raj]

My story

I suffered undiagnosed depression for 10 years before a new GP asked me a list of [to me] seemingly unrelated questions. After he had finished quizzing me he then asked me had I considered that I might be depressed? It had never crossed my mind - in my family depression is a taboo subject [very common in people of that background I discovered later ] and it had never occurred to them to mention to me that I hardly ever laughed any more and didnt seem to enjoy life much.

My GP was very confident I was depressed and persuaded me to try antidepressants for a month to see if it helped. I did and it took a while to find tablets which worked for me but eventually we did and it was like someone had turned the lights on again after years of living in the dark.

I was horrified at how bad my depression had been [I had all those symptoms above and a few more which were due to prexisting medical conditions] and how much difference taking anti depressants made to me. I was on them for a year and then came off them and was great until life served me up a real shit time a few years later and I went back to the GP when I realised I was becoming depressed again. He treated me again for a while and I was fine until my friend died recently [several years elasped again]. I am being treated for depression again now.

I wish someone had picked up on my depression years earlier - some of those years when I was untreated were very dark and unpleasant for me and those around me. I even considered suicide and planned out how I would do it until a self preservation circuit cut in and told me to get a grip. Even at that point I was still several years from having it diagnosed and treated.

In my family depression is not something they admit to even though they have all had it at points [maybe not as severe as mine] but what they taught me was to hide it and not ask for help. In fact my ignorance was spectacular and I was barely aware it existed as a condition. I had gotten to thinking that sitting crying for no reason was just part of being me [I did it when I was alone] and that I would just have to get on with life and cope. In that time I got an Honours degree and still felt I was a failure despite the fact that many of the folks who started my course [chemistry at a major research university] never finished it or had anything to show for their years at university.

I hid it so well that none of the people I knew at the time even realised I was struggling [I didnt know it was treatable so why bother them with my problems....this is a very common theme]

[Raj]

Midwinter is a bad time for depression both from the point of view of lack of light and the fact more people die in winter than in summer plus the stress of the end of year festivities......

So what can you do if you are depressed?

This depends on when and when you hit the low which drives you to ask for help:

-ideally make an appointment to see your GP if the surgery is open and go and discuss it with them [they can offer a variety of treatments including medication and counselling]

-call the Samaritans if you are in crisis and want someone to speak to until you can see a doctor http://www.samaritans.org// - they are trained to listen and help you through these dark moments [have used them myself in the past and later trained with them to help others] and are an amazing service. You can call, drop in or email them.

-Depression Alliance is a new one on me but has national links http://www.depressionalliance.org/index.html and looks like the advice is good too.

-if you live in England and Wales you can also try MIND http://www.mind.org.uk/Mind+in+your+area/ who are a specialist mental health charity [we dont have this organisation in Scotland]

Please talk to someone though - dont bottle it up and sit there feeling miserable. There is someone out there who would like to help you be it a friend, a family member or a Samaritan and talking about it really helps because you dont feel so isolated any more



You can also keep yourself occupied [and deal with the days one minute at a time helped me] to keep your mind off it a bit.

Exercise can really help as it makes you feel better too due to natural body chemicals which help your mood.

Always remember that you are suffering from an illness. It is not you being weak, and you can NOT simply 'pull yourself together'. Your illness is treatable. You are also NOT ALONE. Depression is extremely common.

[Raj]

Here are some things which you can do if you think a friend is depressed:

-Dont tell them to pull themselves together or snap out of it [you cant do that if you are depressed and it makes you feel even more useless than you do already].

-Be there - ask them if they are ok and just listen to what they have to say [dont tell them what to do but try and lead them to make the decisions for themselves which are positive]. Often just telling someone about it is a big help [if they are really bad they will need some kind of professional help though so dont feel bad if you cant help them as much as you want if you arent trained ]


-If you have had similar experiences sharing them may help but if you havent dont pretend you have - just be honest with them. Honesty is the best thing.

-Urge them to get professional help [maybe offer to accompany them to the first appointment as getting out of the house can be a nightmare when you are really depressed].

-If you think your friend is suicidal and serious about it then dont leave them alone if you can help it. They need professional help urgently - try to get it for them [contact a mental health profesinal if you can]

-Be aware that there are good days and bad days and progress may be one step forward two steps back. This is normal. If you are struggling then use the resources above yourself - sometimes an outside perspective on the problem can provide clarity and help you when you are stuck in the how to best provide support.

[Raj]

Some links which I like for written advice:

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_tips.htm

http://www.reachout.com.au/default.asp?ti=1859

http://www.patient.co.uk/showdoc/23068720/

Please feel free to suggest others

[Sini]

Thankyou for shedding light on this subject Raj.

I've struggled alot in the past with depression and i think finding a thread like this would of helped a great deal.

I hope things are much better with you

[DJCliffy]

That's really sad bout your friend Raj sorry to hear about it mate.
My condolences to you and his family.

[d.r.e.a.m]

sorry to hear that mate i hope no 1 else goes the same way because of guilt...i no what its like i also have lost a few freinds this way an its a tuff time you just gota stick together an help each other out with there feelings.my condolences to you all..

[Acidfairy]

It sucks that he is gone.. he will be missed as he touched everyone that met him..

The sad thing is that he couldn't speak to anyone about it... but when you have depression that tends to be the hardest thing actually talking to someone about it..

Thanks for putting this up Raj, more people should be aware of depression and there shouldn't be such a stigma attached to it. It can happen to anyone.. it happened to me..

It was my friends that helped me through it all and friends are one of the most important things when you are depressed..

[tarifa]

[Raj]

[Raj]

I have been sent this account and asked to post it on the member's behalf.

Depression..

I read here that Raj had the guts to write about it.
So I guess I can too.


I have been depressed for short periods most of my life, I think it started when I developed epilepsy. I didn't get any medication before I was 17, my doctor at that point didn't believe I had epilepsy. It was very hard as a young girl always being scared of passing out. I still am sometimes but I try not to think about it.

29th of December 2005 things changed for the worse.

I had a heart attack and was without oxygen to the brain for 10 minutes. I was rushed into surgery but there were some complications and both my lungs got filled with blood and collapsed.
They put me in a "drug induced" coma for 10 days, because the doctors were afraid the pain I would feel if I was awake could kill me.

I didn't wake up before the operations and the doctors didn't know if my brain had been damaged by the lack of oxygen. They told my husband and the rest of my family I could wake up as a vegetable.
As a result of this heart attack I have lost some memories, I forget things easily and can have a hard time expressing myself. I can lose my concentration when I talk to people and can have a hard time focusing on a conversation.

I can't remember what happened from christmas eve december 24th till I got sick on the 29th, everything is gone. To lose the 5 days before I was sick feels really scary. I can't remember the symptoms I had before I got sick.

I got through it and everything seemed fine. I was feeling really good at the hospital and they thought I should go home which made me very happy.

When I got home I was alone and scared all the time. It didn't matter if my husband and kids were there; I couldn't focus on any of them.

In bed at night I just laid there trying to listen to my heart wondering if it was beating the way it was supposed to. In the daytime I just sat in a corner all day and couldn't get a grip on anything. I hated myself for what I had put my family through.

I was fired from my job because my boss was afraid of having me around. And my marriage was very badly damaged and I'm now divorced.

Everybody kept telling me to get myself together because I had so many things to be thankful for.
I couldn't see anything to be thankful for - I got more and more miserable and depressed every day. I just wanted to die and couldn't see any reason for me to survive. It felt like a bad joke.

Everything I had been working for all my life was ripped apart: career, family and friends.

In the end I was kicked out of my home. My husband had had enough and wanted me out of his life and I left him and my kids behind. All our mutual friends felt they had to choose between us and they all chose him. I was really alone now, felt everybody hated me.

I met a guy online [he's a member here] and he guided me to Partyvibe. He thought I needed this place and he was right.

I do not lie when I say that I owe my life to Raj and Dr Bunsen. If they hadn't used hours and hours listening to me I don't think I would be here today. I love you <3

In February 2007 one of my sons was diagnosed with ADHD. The guilt I felt about that was terrible. I felt it was my fault and it kicked me down into that dark hole again.

4 months ago I found a new job as chef. I told my boss what was wrong with me and she still wanted me there. I finally saw the light. Until one day I cut myself and I was bleeding like hell because of the medication I have to take. It scared my boss really badly and she was afraid of having me in the kitchen. I had to leave.

The last 2 years have been hell.

I'm still very depressed but I'm better.

I have days where I just cry and cry for no reason at all.

My ex husband is now 1 of my best friends; our kids still live with him and will continue to do so.

I can't get pills for my depression because of all the heart and epilepsy medication I take.
I have to work this out with the help from psycologists, family and friends..

I feel so guilty about everything. And I always will.

[Tank Girl]

you have nothing to feel guillty for,
no one asks to get ill,

mental illness is an illness like any other physical type.

People's attitudes need to change and the only way this will happen is if people (like you guys on here) are brave enough to share your encounters and help educate others




best wishes

[tarifa]

to the person who got raj to post


if you don't do it already you should give yourself credit for surviving everything you have, most people never have to face a tenth of what you have. (you are strong, intelligent, fun, compassionate, supportive and still have a wicked sense of humour )

you are not alone and you have nothing to feel guilty for

[DaftFader]

yeah i realy feel for every one that has put there story here ... i have lost friends and know how painfull it can be ... i have lost 3 friends in total .. one of whome was almost like a brother to me and every one in our grope ... and each time it has been harder to deal with ... but i have come to tearms with it the best i can at the moment i belive ... time has been a good healer ....

i almost lost a friend to depretion and sewecide once b4 .. tank god he was so drunk at the time .. he passed out b4 he could do himself any real harm .. alltho if he hadent got so drunk in the first place mby he would never of got him self into that state in the first place ... i dunno .. im just glad he is ok now .. this happened shortly after he found out his gf was pregnant .. i don't speak to him so much any more .. but the last time i spoke to him he was happy as far as i could tell .. and it was obviouse b4 that he was depressed so thats good .. i think having his child has taken his mind off w/e he was concentrating on b4 to make him feel bad ...

i suffer from undiagnosed depretion my self ... not majorly ..alltho i have been through a realy bad patch b4 in my life ... alot of things happened ...i had been put in hospital from a violant attack out side a friends house was an alcoholic witch i still am .. was takeing shit loads of diferant drugs like ket/pills/mushroom/coke/speed w/e i could get had split up from a relationship after not getting over from the relation ship b4 that ... and had to come to terms with the fact that one of my best friends had resonatly died and my best friend was in and out of mental hopital and was having a realy rough time...im ok most of the time now and so is my best friend (well kinda ... (just incase he reads this)) .. i just try and focus my mind on other things witch helps alot ... getting a hobby some thing you enjoy but that doesn't push you too far out of your comfort zone .. but does a little seems to help me ... as i didn't want to feel uncomfatable but needed to leaver myself out of the way i was feeling ... just take things one step at a time and try and put your baggage behind you and find positive things around you nomatter how small and concentrate on them .. rather than the bad stuff ... i hope this helps some one out ...

[mudstomper]

Been trying to get myself together to write something on this thread, similar sketch to Daft's, I know this shit ain't gonna leave me but one of the tricks I learnt wa, if you feel so down you can't imagine anyone from your 5 closest people wanting anything to do with you, phone, text, turn up on their doorstep, do something to break that fuxking bastard of a voice in your head, even when I've been told "fuck off mate it's 4 in the morning" it's been enough to break the spell, even briefly, maybe enough to keep yourself going, damn, couldn't put these thoughts together well enough to make it constructive but tried

[DaftFader]

mudstompa .. i think i know what you meen aoubt m8s and stuff ... it gets realy hard to realte to your friends some times if your depressed ... if im drinking (normaly to give my self confidance and deal with shit like that in my head) then alltho it can make me feel bettewr for a bit shit allways seems worce after ... you just got to try your best to get out of the state of mind you are in ..with out beating your self up about it ... its a tricky one ... best way imo is to take it gradualy .. step by step .. and try not to get too worryed about every thing

[mudstomper]

I'm dead lucky got 2 mates who won't leave it aloane when they know I'm down, sometimes can't even look them in the eye when talking but know it's the right thing to do, we've all seen each other through some bad shit recently, I think places like this can be really helpful too, getting in contact with like minds Extra thanks to Angel for that special translation and GL for turning up to a small but very real gathering

[mudstomper]

Plus live Mighty Boosh helps with a big bifter and a whisky and ginger, feel like releasing the hounds......

[DaftFader]

Originally posted by mudstomper

Plus live Mighty Boosh helps with a big bifter and a whisky and ginger, feel like releasing the hounds......

yeah thats a very good point ... if im feeling down .. even in the worce states i have been in .. simpsons or and comady /stand up pref brings me back to reality (my happy one) and cheers me up

a mod friend of mine went to see the live mighty boosh .. she absolutly loved it ...

[General Lighting]

Originally posted by DaftFader

just take things one step at a time and try and put your baggage behind you and find positive things around you nomatter how small and concentrate on them .. rather than the bad stuff ... i hope this helps some one out ...

thanks for sharing that..

also although it may seem as a "buzzing city" when you are younger I learned that "Londonistan" doesn't really help - I'm an (exiled) Londoner (born in SE London and lived there for a fair few years) - I've recently moved to a more chilled out semi-rural area as and I am shocked at how harsh life in todays capital for youths, whenever I go back I can sense the greyness and anger and negativity literally in the air as Essex mutates into East London..

OK if you live there you may need to make the most of your surroundings and deal with what is happening in your ends just to survive but its good to get out sometimes...

[mudstomper]

Originally posted by DaftFader

yeah thats a very good point ... if im feeling down .. even in the worce states i have been in .. simpsons or and comady /stand up pref brings me back to reality (my happy one) and cheers me up

a mod friend of mine went to see the live mighty boosh .. she absolutly loved it ...

Laughter in any form can really help out, sometimes it's enough to knacker you out and get a bit of kip, thing is sometimes that's enough to take the little steps you've mentioned, I think half of my problem is mourning for that happy side when it goes AWOL and not being able to produce the silly prat side that makes make mates laugh when they need it

[General Lighting]

Originally posted by mudstomper

Laughter in any form can really help out, sometimes it's enough to knacker you out and get a bit of kip, thing is sometimes that's enough to take the little steps you've mentioned, I think half of my problem is mourning for that happy side when it goes AWOL and not being able to produce the silly prat side that makes make mates laugh when they need it

I still laugh at some of the things you were telling me about at that gathering...

(have you still got the pic of a certain local acid techno DJ sparked out in your toilet?)

[DaftFader]

Originally posted by mudstomper

Laughter in any form can really help out, sometimes it's enough to knacker you out and get a bit of kip, thing is sometimes that's enough to take the little steps you've mentioned, I think half of my problem is mourning for that happy side when it goes AWOL and not being able to produce the silly prat side that makes make mates laugh when they need it

yeah i totaly undersatnd ... it's tends to be the missing things inbetween the good times that gets ppl down ... thats why i say just keep your self busy doing summing you enjoy .. w/e it is

[DaftFader]

Originally posted by General Lighting

thanks for sharing that..

also although it may seem as a "buzzing city" when you are younger I learned that "Londonistan" doesn't really help - I'm an (exiled) Londoner (born in SE London and lived there for a fair few years) - I've recently moved to a more chilled out semi-rural area as and I am shocked at how harsh life in todays capital for youths, whenever I go back I can sense the greyness and anger and negativity literally in the air as Essex mutates into East London..

OK if you live there you may need to make the most of your surroundings and deal with what is happening in your ends just to survive but its good to get out sometimes...

yeah i live in exatly the place you are talking about .. just out side ne london in essex ... and i know what you meen .... i used to live in a place called crawly as well.... about 1 hr south of london .. and that place is the same ...also when you have so many ppl in one small space like a big town / city .. its hard to avoid the bad ppl .. ppl that may have conflicts with your sanity/wellbeing ..