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| Jokes & Humour Where we share our funny jokes, humour, pictures and stories whether they are long, short, dirty, rude, clean, funny or not, all your jokes are welcome here... |
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#1
18-02-2009, 12:08 PM
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Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up!".
 --- BRILLIANT MADNESS  "Let me respectfully remind you, life and death are of supreme importance. Time swiftly passes by... and opportunity is lost. Each of us should strive to awaken. Awaken. Take heed! Do not squander your life". Evening Gatha, Zen Mountain Monastery Last edited by Dr Bunsen; 02-04-2009 at 12:52 AM.. 
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#2
18-02-2009, 12:12 PM
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Quote:
 Priceless.---  "Today, a young man on acid realised that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration. That we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. There is no such thing as death, life is only a dream and we're the imagination of ourselves."
Last edited by Dr Bunsen; 02-04-2009 at 12:52 AM..
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#3
18-02-2009, 12:15 PM
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Today, I found some porn videos in my parents room. I put them in and began to toss off, but as the camera moved up I realized it was my mom and my step-dad.
FML!  Today, I called my Grandmother to wish her a Happy Valentines Day. She asked me If I had a date lined up. I didn't. Before I could explain why, she responded with "Well, maybe all the other gays went on vacation!" Thanks Grandma, I'm not gay. FML! Last edited by Dr Bunsen; 02-03-2009 at 05:18 AM..
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#4
18-02-2009, 12:19 PM
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Today, my boyfriend gave me a card for my birthday and told me to open it 10 minutes after he leaves. I waited 5, in the card it said "it's not working out, but here's 20$".
FML! Last edited by Dr Bunsen; 02-03-2009 at 05:18 AM..
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#5
18-02-2009, 12:33 PM
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Today, I found out that when I masturbate at night while watching internet porn I cast a huge shadow on the curtain and the entire street is able to see it.
FML! Last edited by Dr Bunsen; 02-03-2009 at 05:18 AM..
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#6
18-02-2009, 12:43 PM
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Today, I got a "save the date" card for the wedding of a couple my husband knows. I was excited because I really wish to be better friends with these people. I emailed the bride, "I got your STD!" and hit send before I realized how that sounded.
FML! pmsl --- "we all have problems, it's how we deal with them that defines who we are!" "People must begin to help one and other - we must begin to care!" "You're scared of mice and spiders, but oh-so-much greater is your fear that one day the two species will cross-breed to form an all-powerful race of mice-spiders who will immobilize human beings in giant webs in order to steal cheese" Messing around with all theese chemical rushes .. when natural highs come a whole lot cheeper! Last edited by Dr Bunsen; 02-03-2009 at 05:19 AM..
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#8
21-02-2009, 02:23 PM
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--- Last Night was an A1, tip-top, clubbing, jam fair. It was a sandwich of fun, on ecstasy bread, wrapped up in a big bag like disco fudge. It doesn't get much better than that. I just wish that I could control these *fucking mood swings!* www.pillreports.com Last edited by Dr Bunsen; 02-03-2009 at 05:19 AM..
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#10
05-03-2009, 09:38 AM
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Yesterday I lost my wallet and got worried that I left it down the pub the night before and gotten nicked as the landlords never found it.
I phoned up the bank to report it lost and just as the woman said the card has been blocked I find my wallet under some books on my desk. Now I have to wait 10 working days for a new card to come through. FML.
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#11
05-03-2009, 12:37 PM
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(i would never be stupuid enough to do this   )
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#12
05-03-2009, 12:41 PM
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--- PROJECT WORSE!!
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#13
06-03-2009, 02:15 PM
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#14
06-03-2009, 02:41 PM
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--- Viva la Techno! 
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#15
06-03-2009, 05:42 PM
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I love the term "Fuck My Life" I used it today at the gym. They put some music on for me over the loudspeakers and when the cd skipped on a wicked tune i uttered the infamous words. Had the whole gym in stitches which i suppose wasn't that many as there were only 6 of us.
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#16
07-03-2009, 04:39 AM
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ha ha ha
Linear Mode
