If you want to play on the rig...

The best thing you can do is send us a CD as this can let us give you a yes or no & if you are lucky, a set time. E-mail us to get an address.

The next best is to turn up at a party with your tunes, but do not think this has earned you a set. People who contribute towards the party or who own kit or are trusted mates or people we respect musically are prioritised way above randoms but there just might be a gap. If so, introduce yourdelf and don't be a pushy dickhead, as this will get you ignored or forcibly removed if you persist. No means no, we do not owe you a thing.

DO NOT bring records if they are cheesey mainstream drum n bass, house, trance (any kind), boring techno, acid techno, happy hardcore, garage (obviously), R&B or pop shit. We definitely do not operate an open-deck policy, other rigs do so ask them.

Someone will look through your records and weed out any we don't want to hear, do not take offence to this, we would do it to Roni Size. Doesn't matter how many parties you've played or how many people want to hear you, the most important thing isn't that the crowd has a good time, it is that WE DO, cos we're the ones who've put the effort in. These are essentially private parties, as we tell the police, if you don't like what you hear, we are not playing the wrong music YOU ARE AT THE WRONG PARTY. You don't go to The End in London and ask for Vengaboys, you'd be in the wrong place. Similarly, we are not a techno rig, we play breaks, and if we wanted to hear "terrorist" dropped with "champion sound" for the millionth time we would never have set up a kru to do things differently.

The Card System

If you play one dodgy tune or fuck up a mix chronically you'll get a yellow card, do it again and you're off, although truly criminal records can get you thrown off straight away. Have a nice day.

We are not flexible, subject to bribes, threats or whining- don't bitch, shut up and dance.

You say fascist, I say quality control. Tomayto, tomaarrrtoe.